Wed Mar 29 22:58:37 PST 1995

I was one of those people who when I got my first award (AoA) was 
going to decline it. It was cheapened for me because several others, 
who got the same award in my group at the same time, didn't do hardly 
anything or were SO's of people who did deserve it and the crown 
decided to give the awards as a couple. I did not resign my award 
because someone I respected told me that if I did that it would 
dishonour those who had put me in for it. 

I was also one of those who was bitter because I did not get 
recognition when I thought I should (or any one else in the area 
thought so either). I decided I didn't want any more awards and was 
vehement about it. (Don't get me wrong, I have never done anything for 
the award I MIGHT get. I just felt that I had been under recognized.) 
In the end I got one I didn't think I deserved and am working hard to 
do things that in my eyes someone with that award should do. 

I still see people get awards that didn't deserve it in my eyes (NOT 
in the group I'm currently with). And I see other's who have gone 
unrecognized for too long. I can't and wouldn't take someone's awards 
away and I can't give awards to those I think deserve it. But I do 
encourage people; and write award recommendations and discuss with 
people who should get X award and why. In this way I have an effect 
on the quality of awards given and to try to see that the things that 
made me bitter in the first place don't happen as much. 

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