Peer Fear

Vicki Marsh zarazena at
Wed Dec 18 08:01:44 PST 1996


When I first started, I remember being intimidated by peers and nobility,
mostly because when I tried to talk to them, they weren't interested talking
to me.. Or so it seemed.  I found that the men, in particular knights and
nobility, were gun-shy of nubile, married young ladies.  They had enough of
the belt-chasers and throne-perchers.  The women were generally too damn
busy to talk to anyone, or figured I was a fawning sycophant flesh-eater.  I
got over this by volunteering for everything in sight and working at every
event I could.

I tried to keep in mind my days as a new person at this last Yule Revel.
There was a young lady (at her first event) that just wanted to talk, but
didn't have a clue.  I didn't mind that, but she kept getting in the way as
I was trying to unload, set up tables, help my husband unload, take care of
out two little boys, etc.  I tried to put her to work, but she just stood
there in the way, oblivious to the fact that we couldn't get the tables out
of the van with her standing, trying to talk to my very frazzled, very
polite, husband.  I had to take her by the hand, and ask her to step back so
he could unload and move the van out of the road.

I kept saying to myself "This is her first event, this is her first
event..." as a mantra to prevent a shortening of my temper.  

The moral of this vignette is:  If you are new, offer to help, try to stay
out of the way of frazzled autocrats and nobility, and save the "Hi, I'm
new" introduction until the person you want to talk to looks like they have
a minute to spare.  If they are in the middle of a conversation, don't just
barge in, wait at the edge of the "Private" zone, until recognized and
invited in.  I really appreciate it when someone has the politeness to do
this, especially if they just say "When you have a moment, can we talk?".

The biggest thing is to volunteer, to help as much as possible.  It will get
you more introductions, and get you involved faster that anything else.  

Just my two bezants worth,

Zara Zina Theanos, Baroness of Elfsea

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