Peer Fear

Baker, Mike mbaker at
Mon Dec 23 08:14:00 PST 1996

Give *me* a crack at educating those teenagers!

We'll get 'em straightened out post-haste and forthwith, I betcha. We'll 
drag 'em in front of Burke and Tarl and Stacia and a few others I can think 
of, for starters, and work our way up to the Bear & Mace-Bearer.

And as to *yourself*, young lady... A-HEM! You may be quiet, you may 
self-describe as shy, but goldurnit you are greatly loved and appreciated 
for that wicked sense of humor and so forth. (Fair amount of emphasis on the 
"so forth".)

We'll Have More Words Later, Lady. Count ON It. (Remind me to say a few 
words to Haldane at the same time, come to think of it.)

Now, point me at those infants and the "lessons" will begin...

Amr ibn Majid al-Bakri al-Amra
(crotchety "older" Moonschadeen bard & herald)
     currently residing in Barony of the Steppes, Kingdom of Ansteorra
Mike C. Baker                      mbaker at
Any opinions expressed are obviously my own unless explicitly stated 

From: ansteorra
To: ansteorra
Subject: Re: Peer Fear
Date: Sunday, December 22, 1996 11:13PM

>Countess Berengaria de Montfort de Carcassonne, OP wrote:

>Could be.  I wonder at the number of shy people in the SCA.  I'm not
>really shy myself, so it's always a difficult phenomenon to
>understand why people come to a group activity when people make
>them...what? Nervous?  Scared?  Suspicious?  Uncomfortable?

Well, I'm right up there in the shy category of people in the SCA so I
can speak with some experience of the phenomenon (I'm not certain if
this applies to all shy people, I've never asked anyone else, so maybe
it's just specific to me). Mostly it's insecurity in *yourself*, not in
other people. You want to be accepted and part of the group, it's just
almost impossible to convenience yourself that you really can belong.

The shy person hesitates to bring themselves to the notice of other
people, so going up to introduce yourself to someone is just not doable,
especially if they've got brass around their head. It's a component of
the "we're not worthy!" (Wayne's World), but really believing this

The shy person is uncomfortable talking to those people s/he doesn't
know. Making small talk is almost impossible. (Personally, I feel it
takes about a year to know someone well enough to decide whether or not
I'd want to be friends with them (& I'm talking here about people
locally that are seen about once/twice a week). For people seen only at
events, it would simply take eons! Other people seem to decide much more
quickly on friendships (meet once, friends for life).

The shy person does not want the spotlight on them, so they stay in the
background, not drawing attention to themselves. This means
*consistently* walking behind the crown's pavilion at the list field,
because you don't want to have to reverance the crowns or the thrones.
(Been there, done that, still do it)

However, shy people can still be attracted to the SCA even as the more
outgoing people are. The same things draw us in, it's just we're much
more likely to hide in our tent if we see brass walking our way (never
done it myself, but 3 teenage boys from my shire did. Repeatedly. At one

I'm much more verbose on the list than you would ever encounter me in
person, unless I'm teaching dance. Just ask anyone from my shire. Just
writing this message has caused my stomach to twist and tie itself into


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