peer fear

Jeanne C. Stapleton jstaplet at
Fri Dec 27 13:54:52 PST 1996

> MOHO, a lot of this boils down to appropriate timing. One gentle, in
> the attempt to rid himself of the dreaded peer fear, decides to
> approach the first brass hat, no matter what. In doing so he
> interrupts an important conversation and thereby annoys the peer.
> Yes, this is one senario. I've also noticed most of these posts deal
> with the idea that the novice gentle must always be the initiator in
> conversation. Why can't a peer approach shy looking gentle with some
> type of compliment on their garb or something. Seems to me that
> would be the ideal SCA welcome type! Britta the Red

Good point!  And I do!  However, a lot of times, I'm not sure if
*I'll* be welcome, especially if it's a shy person.  I am not good
at dealing with shy people largely because I've never understood
them, and I am quite gregarious and out-going.  If I don't get a
lot of response in the first few conversational passes, unless it's
a really slow event, I'll mentally shrug and move on, mentally noting
that perhaps the shy-looking gentle has a migraine or really doesn't
want to talk to anyone.

If you're someone who's had a lot of situational experiences that
have taught you to minimize personal rejection in low-risk situations
like this (I've worked as a telephone market researcher in the
computer industry, which while not as bad as telemarketing,
involves a much longer phone contact for a successful result),
you don't take it personally.  If you're someone who sees this as
a personal snub, what if you're a shy *peer*?

I do compliment all the people who catch my eye or ear doing
something really well--peer or newbie, known or unknown.  A
compliment is a ready gift we all have to hand which costs us
nothing, and gives us so much joy!

As to why more of us peers don't approach more newbies like
this:  we sometimes do need to remind ourselves to do that.
At many events, we're just plain busy.  At others, we're not
busy with tasks, but we're catching up with old friends.  It's
hard at times to maintain a good balance between doing produc-
tive work at events, socializing for the good of our own souls
and getting to relax, part of the reason we came in the first
place, and interacting with people unknown to us, new or
Countess Berengaria de Montfort de Carcassonne, OP
Barony of Caerthe
Kingdom of the Outlands

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