Renaissance Fest '96 (fwd)

[Richard Bainter]

The Top 17 Signs You're at a Bad Renaissance Festival

17. The castle and village are made entirely of Legos.
16. Turkey leg bears striking resemblance to Cocker Spaniel leg.
15. Festival activities include "Ye Olde Wet T-Shirt Contest."
14. Eight minute drum solo in the middle of "Greensleeves."
13. "Belly up to the bar, me lad, for some grilled mahi-mahi
    and fresh California Roll!"
12. Ye Old Glassblower makes nothing but crack pipes.
11. The meade is served in a coconut shell with a Fizzy straw.
10. Everyone seems to have attended the Kevin Costner School
    of British Accents.
 9. Mosh pit follows the wandering minstrels.
 8. You get charged 5 bucks to take a leak behind Ye Olde Hedge.
 7. Guillotine exhibit closed due to pending litigation.
 6. Friar Tuck's pager keeps going off.
 5. Featured event: "(sorry, questionable material)-Jousting!"
 4. Disgusting Ogre is merely an unshaved Marlon Brando.
 3. "Tarry, wench, I prithee!  Wouldst thou Macarena?"
 2. Merlin the Magician's only trick is "Got your nose!"

and the Number 1 Sign You're at a Bad Renaissance Festival...

 1. Jousting Crips & Bloods.