Viking Weddings, Part 3

[Gunnora Hallakarva]

Courtship, Love and Marriage in Viking Scandinavia
Part III:  Love, Courtship and Poetry
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        Since marriages were arranged by the families of the bride and groom
during the Viking Age, love between the two prospective partners was an
insignificant consideration when compared to bride-price, dowry, political
maneuverings and the like.  The sagas support this view, for they "are not
particularly interested in good marriages: post-nuptial remarks like 'their
love began to grow' or 'their marriage became good' indicate that the couple
is now out of the story" (Roberta Frank, "Marriage in Twelfth- and
Thirteenth-Century Iceland,"  Viator  4 [1973]: p. 478).  Such tags also
indicate that the newlyweds were expected to forge a workable relationship
after their wedding, as is the case in many arranged marriages.  The Vikings
did not practice what we would recognize as a courtship, in which a man and
a woman could evaluate their compatability, or in which love could blossom:
it was sink or swim within the bounds of wedlock.

        Since there was no expectation that love should be a prerequisite to
marriage, rpedictibly there was less fuss over the prospective couple's
consenting to the union.  There are few indications in the sagas that the
young man was asked for his opinion of the match (Jochens, Icelandic
Heroine, p. 37):  whether this reflects the assumption that his assent was
required prior to the opening of negotiations, or the fact that a man was
not overly concerned with the qualities of his prospective bride because of
his easy access to concubines and other women during the marriage is
unknown.  The consent of the woman was definitely not required in the laws,
being vested in her *fastnandi*, her father or guardian responsible for her
interests during wedding negotiations (Frank, p. 477).  The *fastnandi* in
the case of a maiden would be her father, her brother if the father was
deceased, or other male relative in the absence of both father and brother,
while a woman who had previously been married was represented by her son if
he was older than sixteen, or her son-in-law, oor father, brother or mother
in the rare case that none of the others was still living (Jacobsen,
Position of Women, pp. 37-38).

        While the law did not require that a woman consent to her marriage,
it seems to have been a very good idea to get her approval, for in the
sagas, "all five marriages made contrary to the stated will of the girl are
unmitigated disasters, ending with the death, maiming, or divorce of the
husband" (Frank, p. 477).  The sagas also show that it was a normal practice
for fathers to consult their daughters before betrothing them, for those
women who were not asked express their rage and frustration over the fact
(Jochens, Icelandic Heroine, p. 37).  In general when asked, most
prospective brides seem to have acquiesced to their father's decision:
after all, the lawsa did provide amply for divorce if the marriage became
unbearable, and her family always stood to gain in some way from the
alliance (Ibid.).  In a few specified situations, a woman had the absolute
right to chose a husband.  Widows were free to select their own mates.  In
the case where a woman was represented by her brothers, but they could not
decide among themselves whether to accept a suit, her wishes were to be
followed.  If a woman's brothers sought maliciously to keep herfrom
marrying, so as to retain her labor on their farms, the woman could marry
the third suitor that her brothers turned down (Ibid., pp. 38-39;  Jacobsen,
Position of Women, p. 38).

        All the foregoing aside, people being what they are, some pagan
Scandinavians certainlyknew love as passionate as any immortalized today in
song.  The Vikings named it *inn makti murr*, "the mighty passion" (Peter
Foote and David M. Wilson.  The Viking Achievement.  London: Sidgwick and
Jackson, 1970. p. 112),with sagas and poetry recounting stories of true
love.  often the love that is described is one that has developed within a
marriage, as in *Rigsthula* (v. 27), where Father and Mother sit gazing into
one another's eyes, their fingers intertwined --- obviously happily in love
(Hollander, Poetic Edda, p. 120).  Sometimes a declaration of love in the
sagas will be very short and indirect, as when Bergthora refuses the amnesty
of those attacking her home, preferring to die with her husband:  "I was
given to Njal in marriage when I was young, and I have promised him that we
would share the same fate" (Magnus Magnusson and Hermann Palsson, trans.
Njal's Saga.  NY: Penguin, 1960.  p. 267).  Men, perhaps, were more free to
express their love than women.  Since the ideal man was supposed to be able
to extemporize poetry, it may have been easier for them to proclaim their
emotions.  Saxo Grammaticus records the moving last speech of a man about to
be hanged, as he speaks of his beloved:

        There shall be one end for us both; one bond after our vows; 
        nor shall our first love aimlessly perish.  Happy am I to have 
        won the joy of such a consort; I shall not go down basely in 
        lonliness to the gods of Tartarus.  So let the encircling bonds 
        grip my throat in the midst; the final anguish shall bring with 
        it pleasure only, since the certain hope remains of renewed 
        love, and death shall prove to have its own delights.  Each 
        world holds joy, and in the twin regions shall the repose of 
        our united souls win fame, our equal faithfulness in love 
        (Saxo Grammaticus.  Gesta Danorum.  cited in Hilda R. 
        Ellis-Davidson.  The Road to Hel.  Westport CT:  
        Greenwood P., 1943.  pp. 53-54).

Skalds also made *mansongr*, "maiden-songs" or love poems, composed despite
laws ordaining outlawry or death for the skald who dared to make them:

        Well considered, the woman's worth the whole of Iceland...
        Heavy though my heart... of Hunland, and of Denmark;
        Not for all of England's earth and kingdoms would I
        Forego the golden-braided girl, ay, nor for Ireland
        (Lee M. Hollander, trans.  The Skalds:  A Selection of 
        their Poems with Introduction and Notes.  Ann Arbor:  
        U of Michigan P, 1945.  p. 118).

        I little reck... to reach her risked I have my life oft...
        Though I be slain within the arms of my beloved,
        Sleeping in the Sif-of-silken-gowns' embraces:
        For the fair-haired woman feel I love unending
        (Ibid., p. 134).

One reason why love poetry was so ill-regarded by the Vikings may have been
due to the fear in pagan times of magical ensnarement of the woman so
immortalized by the power of the verses (Foote and Wilson, p. 112).
*Havamal* credits Odinn with two runic spells meant as love charms:

        That sixteenth I know, if I seek me some maid:
        to work my will with her:
        the white-armed woman's heart I bewitch,
        and toward me I turn her thoughts.

        That seventeenth I know, if the slende maid's love
        I have, and hold her to me:
        Thus I sing to her that she hardly will
        leave me for other man's love
        (Hollander, Poetic Edda, p. 40).

        The prohibitions against love poetry help to explain why courtships
were little practiced in the Viking period.  While the goddess Freyja was
the patroness of *mansongar*, and delighted in love poetry, mortal women had
to be more cautious.  Love poems were viewed in law as a distinct slur upon
a woman's reputation, suggesting that the poet had had a more intimate
knowledge of his beloved than was considered seemly (Foote and Wilson, p.
112).  The reputation of a woman reflected upon the honor of her family:  if
her honor was tarnished, so was that of her father, brothers, uncles,
cousins and sons.  Any dalliance with a woman's reputation was likely to
bring down the wrath of her entire lineage upon the hapless suitor!  

        All of the family sagas agree that courtship "was the single most
deadly pastime for the young Icelandic male" (Frank, p. 476).  The most
important, unwritten rule of courtship was that the less a hopeful groom saw
of his intended bride before entering into formal marriage negotiations with
her family, the better his chances were of staying alive (Ibid.).  If an
attentive suitor was slow in making his proposal, the woman's relatives were
quick to reclaim her honor by taking blood-vengeance on the offending swain
(Foote and Wilson, PP. 111-112):  eighteen courtships in the sagas end in
this manner (Frank, p. 476).  There seems to have been a practical reason
for the family to take a dim view of prolonged courtships, however, for in
the eight cases in the sagas where the family was slow to act, an
illegitimate child was the result (Ibid.).  Despite the hazards, some
courtships did occur.  Attentions paid to a woman by her suitor, including
visits, conversations, and the making of poems in her praise were expected,
and apparently welcomed by the girl, no matter what her family may have
thought (Foote and Wilson, p. 111).

        The most common method for locating a suitable bride was at the
Thing, where fathers brought their daughters not only to perform the
housekeeping and cooking at his booth for his comfort, but also to make the
girls and their wifely skills visible to prospective suitors (Mary
Wilhelmine Williams, Social Scandinavia in the Viking Age.  1920;  NY:
Kraus Reprint Co., 1971.  p. 282).  Other social gatherings such as feasts,
ceremonies, markets, fairs and the like were also good places for spotting a
prospective wife.  The "marriage market" provided by the gathering at the
Thing fitted neatly with the basic character of the Viking wedding as a
formal contract between families:  the law codes show that negotiating a
marriage followed the same sort of rules as formation of any other contract
or legal agreement, and thus benefitted from being conducted at the Thing,
along with other undertakings of a legal nature.

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See the next post for Part IV: Negotiating the Marriage

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::GUNNORA::


Gunnora Hallakarva
Herskerinde
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