ANST - Fw: death and the mail

[Angus mac Taggart/Rik Packham]

Even though I know this is not following anything even close to the topics
of these lists, I thought you all would get a chuckle off of these
humourous, if morbid, words:

>>Dead Men Read No Mail
>>
>>By Scott Hanson, from the Orlando Sentinel Star newspaper
>>
>>My father died on Jan 02, 1995. He left no forwarding address.
>>
>>Therefore, it fell to me to collect his mail. I didn't expect much
>>really, since my sisters and I had been careful to notify his bank,
>>insurance agent and a host of other businesses that one of their
>>customers was no more.
>>
>>You would think a death notice would cut down on the amount of
>>correspondence from those firms. Quite the contrary. Instead -- for
>>months, mind you -- my deceased father continued to receive mail
>>from companies that had been told of his passing but pressed on,
>>determined to contact him anyway.
>>
>>The first to hope for a reply from beyond the grave was my father's
>>bank.
>>
>>    Dear Mr. Hanson,
>>    Our records indicate payment is due for overdraft
>>    protection on your checking account. Efforts to
>>    contact you have proven unsuccessful. Therefore, we
>>    are automatically withdrawing your monthly $28.00
>>    service charge from you account. Please adjust your
>>    records accordingly.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    The Phoenix Branch
>>
>>    Dear Phoenix Branch,
>>    This is to notify you once again that Mr. Hanson died
>>    Jan 02, 1995. It is therefore unlikely he will be
>>    overdrawing his account. Please close his account, and
>>    adjust your books accordingly.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Scott Hansom
>>
>>Later that same week, I receive this note from Dad's insurance
>>company. Again, this is a firm that had been told in no uncertain
>>terms of his death.
>>
>>    Dear Mr. Hanson,
>>    It's time to renew your auto insurance policy! To
>>    continue your coverage, you must send $54.17 to this
>>    office immediately. Failure to do so will result in
>>    the cancellation of your policy, and interruption of
>>    your coverage.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Your Insurance Agent
>>
>>    Dear Insurance Agent,
>>    This is to remind you that Mr. Hanson has been dead
>>    since January. As such, the odds he'll be involved in
>>    a collision are quite minimal. Please cancel the
>>    policy, and adjust your books accordingly.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Scott Hanson.
>>
>>The next day, I went to my mailbox to find this:
>>
>>    Dear Mr. Hanson,
>>    Let me introduce myself. I am a psychic reader, and it
>>    is very important that you contact me immediately. I
>>    sense that you are about to enter a time of
>>    unprecedented financial prosperity. Please call the
>>    enclosed 900 number immediately, so I can tell you how
>>    best to take full advantage of the opportunities that
>>    are coming your way.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Your Psychic Reader
>>
>>    Dear Psychic Reader,
>>    My father regrets he will be unable to call you 900
>>    number. As a psychic reader, I'm sure you already know
>>    my father is dead, and had been for more that three
>>    weeks when you mailed your letter to him. I sense my
>>    father would be more than happy to take you up on your
>>    offer of a psychic reading, should you care to meet
>>    with him personally.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Scott Hanson
>>    P.S. Should you be in contact with my father in the
>>    future, please ask him if he'd like to renew his car
>>    insurance.
>>
>>A few months of calm passed, and then these arrived:
>>
>>    Dear Mr. Hanson,
>>    Our records indicate a balance of $112 has accrued for
>>    overdraft protection on your checking account. Efforts
>>    to contact you have proven unsuccessful. Please pay
>>    the minimum amount due, or contact this office to make
>>    other arrangements.
>>    We appreciate your business and look forward to serving
>>    all of your future borrowing needs.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Your Bank's San Diego
>>    District Office
>>
>>    Dear San Diego District Office,
>>    I am writing to you for the third time now to tell you
>>    my father died in January. Since then, the number of
>>    checks he's written has dropped dramatically. Being
>>    dead, he has no plans to use his overdraft protection
>>    or pay even the minimum amount due for a service he no
>>    longer needs.
>>    As for future borrowing needs, well, don't hold your
>>    breath.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Scott Hanson
>>
>>    Dear Mr. Hanson,
>>    Records show you owe a balance of $54.17 to your
>>    insurance agent. Efforts to contact you have proven
>>    unsuccessful. Therefore, the matter has been turned
>>    over to us for collection.
>>    Please remit the amount of $54.17 to our office or we
>>    will be forced to take legal action to collect the debt.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Your Insurance Agent's Collection Agency
>>
>>    Dear Collection Agency,
>>    I told your client. Now I'm telling you. Dad's dead.
>>    He doesn't need insurance. He's dead. Dead, dead,
>>    dead. I doubt even your lawyers can change that.
>>    Please adjust your books accordingly.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Scott Hanson
>>
>>A few more months, and:
>>
>>    Dear Mr. Hanson,
>>    Our records show an unpaid balance of $224 has accrued
>>    for overdraft protection on your checking account. Our
>>    efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful.
>>    Please remit the amount in full to this office, or the
>>    matter will be turned over to a collection agency.
>>    Such action will adversely affect your credit history.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Your Bank's Los Angeles Regional Office
>>
>>    Dear Los Angeles Regional Office,
>>    I am writing for the fourth time to the fourth person
>>    at the fourth address to tell your bank that my father
>>    passed away in January.
>>    Since that time, I've watched with a mixture of
>>    amazement and amusement as your bank continues to
>>    transact business with him. Now, you are even
>>    threatening his credit history.
>>    It should come as no surprise that you have received
>>    little response from my deceased father. It should
>>    also be small news that his credit history is of minor
>>    importance to him now.
>>    For the fourth and final time, please adjust your books
>>    accordingly.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Scott Hanson
>>
>>    Dear Mr. Hanson,
>>    This is your final notice of payment due to your
>>    insurance agent. If our firm does not receive payment
>>    of $54.17, we will commence legal action on the matter.
>>    Please contact us at once.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Your Insurance Agent's Collection Agency
>>
>>    Dear Insurance Agent's Collection Agency,
>>    You may contact my father via the enclosed 900 number.
>>    Sincerely,
>>    Scott Hanson
>>
>>It has now been a couple of months since I've heard from these
>>firms. Either the people writing these letters finally believe my
>>father is dead, or they themselves have died and are now receiving
>>similar correspondence.
>>
>>Actually, there has been a lesson in these letters. Any one of them
>>would be cause for great worry, if sent to a living person. The dead
>>are immune from corporate bullying. There's nothing like dying to
>>put business correspondence in its proper perspective.
>>
>>Perhaps that's the best reason not to fear death. There's no post
>>office there.
>>
>>(Scott Hanson is a news reporter and anchor with WESH-Channel 2 in
>>Orlando.)

Laird Angus mac Taggart

Barony of Bryn Gwlad: http://www.eden.com/~aquinas/bryn.gwlad/
Crossroads to the S.C.A.: http://www.eden.com/~aquinas/sca/
Laird Angus mac Taggart: aquinas at eden.com
Lady Cecily Garland: cecily at eden.com


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