ANST - Belts, favors, Associates

[ALBAN at delphi.com]

Sir Lyonel responded to a post of mine with:
>>I'm more than willing to take members into my household who are 
neither my squires/protege's nor my wife's apprentices/protege's. Said 
householders would then be entitled to bear my badge or my lady's badge. 
Why should such a householder want to call him/herself a squire or 
apprentice? These labels are--as Daniel de Lincolia noted--job descriptions, 
not titles or honors.<<
I think we're coming up hard against inter-kingdom anthropology and 
rampant personal usage here. I know some peers take on squires/proteges 
/apprentices (s/p/a) as appropriate, and call their other, um, vassals 
"members of the household" or some such term. Others take people on, and 
call them s/p/a whether or not these vassals perform as s/p/a's. In some 
cases, it's the simplest term to use, the most widely recognized, and covers 
a multitude of sins. With My Lady Tegan and me, we've spent a year and a 
half trying to come up with an appropriate term for what I am in relation 
to her, and the closest one is "Librarian" - but that does not sufficiently 
cover what we are, to each other, nor does "member of the household". 
I am in fealty to her, not to her husband; I feel that I can properly wear her 
badge, but I'm not so sure I could wear their household badge, because that 
has overtones of him-and-her-as-coequal-heads (which they are, of course) 
whereas I owe her alone fidelity, faithfulness, and the rest of the nine 
yards. (Mind you, he likes me and I like him, and there's not a damn thing 
I'd ever do to make him unhappy because I do so like him - but he's not my 
fealty-taker, she is.)
Also, to me, a "member of the household" could include close friends as 
well as those who've sworn fealty. And there are households, of course, 
that are not headed by peers. . . "Householder" covers such a wide variety 
of things.
It's a complicated thing, this particular terminology. I'm accustomed to 
using the s/p/a terms because they've acquired SCA definitions, and 
because using those words are convenient. So do many other people. The 
only other term that might be usable for "close relationship that covers 
s/p/a's who aren't _actually_ s/p/a's" that I've seen used is "associate" - 
but that has not acquired the widespread usage that s/p/a have.

I'd said
>As for 4: there's a good word for this. It's called a "favor".
Sir Lyonel responded with:
>>Um, sorry to quibble, but no. It's *not* a favor, not necessarily. I always 
put my badge on my squires and men-at-arms, usually on their belts.
<snip>
A favor is a trinket given by an admirer (traditionally a lady) to a 
combatant to carry into a tournament as an indication that said combatant 
is being "favored" with the admirer's attention. Typically, the giving of 
favors was a step in the amorous games twentieth century scholars have 
labeled "courtly love."<<
In your case, with your male squires, no. In my case, as my Laurel is 
female, as she has and will continue to favor me with her attention, as she 
does think of me quite fondly, and since I'm waging cruel and unrelenting 
battle against ignorance, I'd call what she gave me a "favor". It beats using 
the term "doo-dad", "trinket", "the-wonderful-amber-necklace-Tegan-gave-
me-as-a-sign-of-our-relationship", and other words. Again, it's a personal 
thing, and (to me) it's a word that covers a multitude of meanings and 
relationships. Admittedly, it's also a word with a technical historical 
meaning that's mis-used by many SCA folk - but it's also a word that's 
reasonably close to that thing I wear as remembrance of Tegan. (It covers 
everything except "amorous games", of course. She's married to a guy so 
wonderful he even likes me.)
Good Sir, I would ask you: what term do you use that covers the item you 
give your squires and men-at-arms, if it's not always a belt?

>So, no, I don't think I'll be giving any favors to my squires any time in the 
>near future. I mean, hey, they're nice guys and all, but we're just not *that* 
>close.
To open up a new sub-division of this discussion (and I would like others' 
responses, too): how would you describe the relationship between you and 
your squires? Do you spend more time training them in martial prowess 
and chivalric ideals than most other fighters who come to you for help? Do 
you clothe them, feed them, camp with them, spend a lot of time with them 
outside of the SCA, consider them more than trainees? Are they "nice guys" 
or are they your own "nice guys"? (No, I don't mean to imply anything 
salacious here. I'm just curious as to how all of you down in Ansteorra treat 
peer-associate relationships. 99% of my time in the SCA has been spent in 
Calontir and the Middle, and I occasionally feel the need to expand my 
horizons so I don't trip over foreign customs at places like Pennsic. . . )

Alban
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