ANST - Gothic housing conspiracy
cjw at vvm.com
Tue Aug 11 12:48:05 PDT 1998
I have to compliment you on your fine taste in homes, sir... your "9th
century Bavarian castle", Shloss Modius
( http://www.cityscope.net/~modius/ ), is as lovely a dwelling as anyone
could possibly hope for. As a matter of fact, it bears a striking
resemblence to my own familys 15th century home in Rhinelandphalz on the
Mosel river, Burg Eltz ( http://www.burg-eltz.de/e_index.html ).
The resemblance, however, is so strong that I feel it necessary to ask you
who you bought your home from? Ours was guaranteed as an original design
and the closer I look at the paintings of yours the more that I become
convinced that there is something rotten going on the state of homebuilding
in the Holy Roman Empire. I'm thinking it's a plot, Modius, and that we've
both been had by some sort of german tract-housing scheme. Worse still,
they may be foisting septuple-wide german gothic castle-trailers off on us.
Check the keller for telltale signs... plasic skirting, wheels in the
basement, add-on wooden stairs, etc. Also check your walls- are those
gothic arches and flying buttresses *really* stone? Or are they some slick
cardboard simulation? Just the other day, while in my bedroom, I opened a
door vigorously and put a perfectly round hole in the wall where the handle
hit... foul play, I tell you.
If this turns out to be what I think it is, Modius, we need to make the
world aware of it or we'll be knee deep in Burg Eltz trailer parks before
you know it. Then the french and the italians will move in and the entire
neighborhood will be kaput. Public pools, speed bumps, coin-op gothic
laundrymats, and dagoes and frogs cooking out on their front lawns in
nothing but their skivvies. You don't really want to have Lionardo
Acquistipace and Sir Lyonel hopped up on lambrusco in your front yard
arguing over who'll win the world cup or whose barbequed snails taste
better, do you???!!
Check up on it on your end and get back to me here in the Hochwald in two
shakes of a hauptmanns banner, okay? Death before trailer gothic!
Ritter Dieterich Kempenich von Eltz
(for those on the lists... it's a j o k e )
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