ANST - Is there a Santa Clause? -- Christmas humor Post

[Fionnghal]

IS THERE A SANTA?



1.  No known species of reindeer can fly.  But there are 300,000 
species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of 
these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out 
flying reindeer.

2.    There are 2 billion children (under 18) in the world.  But since 
Santa does not appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist and 
Jewish children, that reduces the work load to 15% of the total 378 
million or so.  At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, 
that's 91.8 million homes.  One presumes there's at least one good 
child in each.

3.    Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to time 
zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to 
west.  This works out to 822.6 visits per second.  This is to say 
that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 
1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the 
chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining gifts
under the tree, eat the snacks, get back up the chimney, get back 
in the sleigh, and move on to the next house.  Assuming that each 
of these 91.8 million homes are distributed evenly (which we know 
to be false but for the sake of these calculations we will accept) we 
are now taking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 
million miles, not counting bathroom stops.  This means
that  Santa's sleigh is traveling at 650 miles per second, 3000 
times the speed of sound.  For comparison, the fastest man made 
vehicle, the Ulysses space probe moves at a poky 27.4 MPS; the 
average reindeer runs at 15 MPH.

4.    The sleighs payload adds another interesting element.  
Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized 
Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons not 
counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.  On 
land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. 
Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point one) could pull TEN 
TIMES the usual amount, we can not do the job with 8 or even 9.  
We need 214,000 reindeer. This increases the weight, not even 
counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison this is 
4 times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth 2.

5.    353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates 
enormous air resistance.  This will heat the reindeer in the same 
manner as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere.  The 
lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy, 
per second, each.  In short, they will burst into flames almost 
instantaneously, exposing the next pair of reindeer, and creating 
deafening sonic booms in their wake.  The entire team will be 
vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.  Santa, meanwhile, 
will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times the force of 
gravity.  A 300 pound Santa would be pinned to the back of his 
sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

6.    Conclusion:  There was a Santa, but he's dead now.


I hope everyone finds this as funny as I did.  
Really folks its just a joke.

                                                            Merry Christmas.

Always in Service,
Fionnghal Nic Phaidin
Dancer of the Way
(One of those Wardancers)

For every evil under the sun,
There is a remedy, or there is none.
If there be one, seek till you find it;
If there be none, never mind it.

Mother Goose

Check out the the Wetlands RP and FreeWetlands lists at:
http://www.chaosbutterfly.com/penelope/freelist.htm/
(Please direct all flames to http://www.chaosbutterfly.com/penelope/hatemail.html)
============================================================================
Go to http://lists.ansteorra.org/lists.html to perform mailing list tasks.