ANST - Cloved Fruit, Bjornsborg Style

[Gunnora Hallakarva]

Since my good sister, Chieftess Mari, is temporarily computer-impaired (we
all pray that Cynric, who is presently in town, can force the offending
machine to behave properly Real Soon Now), I will take a moment to discuss
the Bjornsborg Ladies' Response to Cloved Fruit.

I do believe that our belowved Raimond began the tradition as it is now
practiced in Bjornsborg.  All of us had grown more than a little tired of
the kissing game's increasingly frequent abusers (having a kiss forcved
upon you where the kisser wields their tongue like a sewer snake down your
throat, for instance -- been there, suffered that).

Finally the day came where the Bjornsborg Cloved Fruit technique evolved.
It is easily described by the following steps:

(1) Simply smile and accept the offending fruit.  
(2) Carefully conceal one's distaste for the game, the person handing you
the fruit, etc.  
(3) Grab a clove between one's molars then jerk the fruit away from your face
(4) Scream loudly "HIT THE DECK!"
(5) Hurl the offending cloved fruit as high, long, and far into the nearest
cactus patch or other irretrievable location.  Distance into the darkness
will serve as well as glochids as a deterrent versus further fruit activities.
(6) Fall to the ground and cover up, as if the hurled fruit were a
fragmentation grenade that might explode upon impact. (The point here being
that the person who handed you the fruit is usually goggling wildly at you
and will beat a hasty retreat before the rest of the inmates come out of
the asylum to play.)

Voila!  End of game.

I won't argue the pros vs. cons of the cloved fruit kissing game again.  It
got a deserved bad name and I'm glad to see it retired.  I see no reason
why one should not resurrect the game SO LONG as it is played only with
one's intimates, or at worst WILLING strangers.

Just expect that if you hand one of these items to me or to other
Bjornsborgers, you may find your cloved fruit becoming swiftly and
violently airborne.

The last example of a cloved fruit that I can recall appearing at a
Bjornsborg event was one of our Baronial courts in the last two or three
years.  There some wit handed Mari a cloved pumpkin.  This was obviously
too large for the standard "hand grenade" technique, so she pulled the
clove with her teeth, gave the approved warcry of "HIT THE DECK" and
drop-kicked the evil gourd out the door of the tent and hence out of court.
 Simultaneously, the entire Court of Bjornsborg, including all its oldest
and most staidly respectable members, hurled themselves to the floor in
response to the Baroness's command.  Watching Baroness Seanna hit the deck,
narrowly missing the flaming smudge pots we were using for lighting, was
especially entertaining.  Of course, I was down there, too.




Wæs Þu Hæl (Waes Thu Hael)

::GUNNORA::

Gunnora Hallakarva
Herskerinde
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Ek eigi visa þik hversu oðlask Lofstirrlauf-Kruna heldr hversu na Hersis-Aðal
(Ek eigi thik hversu odhlask Lofstirrlauf-Kruna heldr hversu na Hersis-Adhal)

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