ANST - Humorous SCA versions of hell...[long]

[jhartel]

Hey folks!
 The Middle Bridge has been having a humourous discussion on different
 types of "hell".  Below are the ones that have come across the list so
 far.  Do any of these pertain to YOU?!? 
 
 Moriel***
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 > each person would have their own private hell...
 >
 > Costume - Forced to wear polyester WWF t-shirt and streach pants for
eternity.
 > Cooking - MREs and no way to warm them.
 > C & I- a box of the jumbo crayons and a stack of peerage scrolls.
 > B & V- eternity in a vat of MD 20-20.
 > Dance- Nothing but Thrash Metal tapes.
 > Metal Working- 10,000lbs of perfect damacus and no heat source.
 > Leather working- VYNAL!
 > Bardic-  Everything they write turns out to be Susan Summer's poetry.
 > Weavers- Aunt Lydia's Rug yarn!!  ACK EEKK GRRR
 > 10,000 lbs of beautifully plastic CLAY and no heat source....
 > A room FULL of embroidery floss and crochet thread,  then your carpal
   tunnel returns to haunt you!
 > Theatre:  actors who make Richard Gere look like the definitive
    Lancelot.
 > Music:  discovering that [your least favourite form of music] is
actually a
   very period thing.
 > Fighters - eternity sitting in a room full of Fencers
 > Fencers - eternity sitting in a room full of Fighters
 > Beadwork - a mound of perfect pearls and gems, wonderful silk cloth,
and
   NO NEEDLES!  (Makes the idea of bone needles take on a whole new
   meaning, eh??)
 > Armoring - all your hammers and stakes have little nicks in them and
you can't
   find the one you want anyway.
 > Metal Casting - Remember that propane cylinder you THOUGHT was full?
 > Research:  The only books at the library on the Middle Ages are
romance
   novels and Manchester's _A World Lit Only By Fire_.
 > Armouring:  Only available materials are tin foil, carpet, and neon
orange
   plastic barrels.
 > Embroidery:  You're given a pack of beading needles, some "craft
yarn" (the
   acrylic stuff kids use) and some burlap and asked to do opus
   anglicanum.
 > Weaving:  They give you one of those kiddie craft looms and tell you
to make
   brocaded silk on it.
 > Spinners:  surrounded by sheep with beautiful fleeces and no way to
      shear them.
 > Merchants:  Crowds of customers paying more for the devil's
   merchandise than they would for yours, and his is cheap, shoddy junk.
   OR:  No change.
 > Heralds having to do name research and the only collection of books
   owned by your local group are BABY NAME books!
 > Heralds ONLY having Alfred Kolatch books as name doc.  [ICK]
 > Herald- A client who wants "Gyronny of 24 Vair and ermine, a Lute
lozengy
   gules and purpure, on a chief sable three kitty's lickin their paws.
 > Blacksmithing- a classw to teach and the only supplies are a Zippo
and several
   pounds of Iron Ore
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