ANST - could it be SATAN! .... was: Humorous SCA versions of hell...[long]

[j'lynn yeates]

tell me where the lynching line forms so i can run away in the oppoosite direction ....

On 27 Jun 98, at 0:11, jhartel wrote:

> Costume - Forced to wear polyester WWF t-shirt and streach pants for
eternity.

see leatherworking below ...

>  > Cooking - MREs and no way to warm them.

been there, done that, still have two cases ... as for warming them, 
YOU'RE IN HELLL!!!

>  > C & I- a box of the jumbo crayons and a stack of peerage scrolls.

ever been backstage at the last minute before the awards are scheduled to 
be given out?

>  > B & V- eternity in a vat of MD 20-20.

scrounge up some vodka and it's palatable ....

>  > Dance- Nothing but Thrash Metal tapes.

so?  what's your point? (who happens to have a perverse fondness for 
Thrash Metal ... how about Cyber Thrash >>> ... *evil* grin ... will meet ya' 
down in the mosh pit next to the Elysian Fields

>  > Metal Working- 10,000lbs of perfect damacus and no heat source.

pont f ordrr YOU'RE IN HELL !!!!

>  > Leather working- VYNAL!

so setup a roadside stand to to the Styx and sell souveniers vest's (along 
with the issued polyester WWF shirts  &  stretch pants mentioned 
previously)  

>  > Bardic-  Everything they write turns out to be Susan Summer's poetry. 

add a new line to the souvenier stand previously mentioned ...

>  Weavers- Aunt Lydia's Rug yarn!!  ACK EEKK GRRR 

yet another product line ... 

> 10,000 lbs of beautifully plastic CLAY and no heat source.... 

repeat after me YOU'RE IN HELL !!!

> A room FULL of embroidery floss and crochet thread,  then your carpal
>    tunnel returns to haunt you!

hire the illegal immigrants who swim accross the river (no need to explain 
lack of understanding of the concept here ...) ... and can you guess? ... 
add yat-another-product line !!!! ... why??? because YOU'RE IN HELL !!!

>  > Theatre:  actors who make Richard Gere look like the definitive
>     Lancelot.

hooked up with Kieth Richards i see ....

>  > Music:  discovering that [your least favourite form of music] is
> actually a very period thing.

Metal Thrash ... with you as the primary persussion instrument and a batch 
of whacked out viking skinheads on an infinite supply of speed as the band

>  > Fighters - eternity sitting in a room full of Fencers

... tell them of the anti-heavy plot's by the lights

>  > Fencers - eternity sitting in a room full of Fighters

... tell them of the anti-light plot's by the heavies

send both to the mosh pit area and bill them as the opening act for the 
whacked out norse skin-head's.  stiff then on the cover fee and make them 
pay for their own beer ... why ... all together now, because YOU'RE in 
HELL!!!! 

>  > Beadwork - a mound of perfect pearls and gems, wonderful silk cloth,
> and NO NEEDLES!  (Makes the idea of bone needles take on a whole new
>    meaning, eh??)

plenty of bones down by the mosh-pit after the concert ... and lots of 
broken thin, whippy blade fragment.  of you could ask to borrow one of the 
viking skin-heads sewing kit 

>  > Armoring - all your hammers and stakes have little nicks in them and
> you can't  find the one you want anyway.

convince a batch of new arivals that their new job is to use these rocks 
(supplied at great expense) to grind and polish down the tools ...

>  > Metal Casting - Remember that propane cylinder you THOUGHT was 
full? 

who needs propane?  YOU'RE IN HELL!!! ... everything is on fire already!

>  Research:  The only books at the library on the Middle Ages are
> romance  novels and Manchester's _A World Lit Only By Fire_.

yea, but that female demon librarion is one serious looker! and she likes 
you ....

>  > Weaving:  They give you one of those kiddie craft looms and tell you to
> make brocaded silk on it.

bones, plenty of bones .... talk to Clotho and or Ariadne in the next caves 
over

>  > Spinners:  surrounded by sheep with beautiful fleeces and no way to
>       shear them.

see the merchanting ideas ... always more than one way to fleece a 
customer

>  > Merchants:  Crowds of customers paying more for the devil's
>    merchandise than they would for yours, and his is cheap, shoddy junk.
>    OR:  No change.

see Milo M. youre new business manager

>  > Heralds having to do name research and the only collection of books
>    owned by your local group are BABY NAME books!

what's the problem?  YOU'RE IN HELL!!! ... all the best names are already 
there! ask around

>  > Herald- A client who wants "Gyronny of 24 Vair and ermine, a Lute
> lozengy  gules and purpure, on a chief sable three kitty's lickin their paws.

here's a concept, returns carry a re-assignment to the head-down lava pits 
until artistic tastes is aquired

>  > Blacksmithing- a classw to teach and the only supplies are a Zippo and
> several  pounds of Iron Ore

sighhh... you've forgotten YOU'RE IN HELL !!!! it dosn't matter - free heat! 

'wolf


... When we hunt, we all function with one mind
... - Boingo, Pedestrian Wolves
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