ANST - Question...

[Jan Downs]

Not suggesting you accept bad behavior from anybody. This may be one of
those situations where it would be pointless to talk to the indiviidual
concerned. In that case you can only comport yourself with dignity, which by
the way I think you have. I understand your feeling of hurt and insult.
Perhaps the only response is to transcend it.
Martel
-----Original Message-----
From: Sandy M Koenig <ravensmk at juno.com>
To: ansteorra at Ansteorra.ORG <ansteorra at Ansteorra.ORG>
Date: Monday, June 29, 1998 4:55 PM
Subject: Re: ANST - Question...


>except for the fact that he stated in his post it was his INTENTION to
>p-- me off.   i don't go out of my way to make someone angry, why should
>I accept it being done to me?
>
>raven
>
>On Mon, 29 Jun 1998 13:01:27 -0500 "Jan Downs" <warrior at texas.net>
>writes:
>>I have found when talking to people about things like this, if you
>>make them
>>wrong for whatever they did they can't hear what you are saying and
>>it's
>>counterproductive.
>>Human beings would rather die than be wrong. Think about it: how much
>>do
>>you(a general *you*, no one specific intended) hate being wrong and
>>how much
>>more do you hate being told about it. This is not to say we don't all
>>at
>>some point or another need some insight about how we are jerks. We all
>>have
>>our flaws. As hard as it is sometimes, it is more helpful to approach
>>this
>>sort of conversation from a position of compassion and the desire to
>>make a
>>contribution to this person. Maybe they don't know what a jerk they're
>>being.
>>
>>I wish I could live up to this ideal 100% of the time. ;>
>>Martel
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: Mary Temple <noxcat at hotmail.com>
>>To: ansteorra at Ansteorra.ORG <ansteorra at Ansteorra.ORG>
>>Date: Monday, June 29, 1998 11:11 AM
>>Subject: Re: ANST - Question...
>>
>>
>>>>Good Morning,
>>>>
>>>Good Evening,
>>>
>>>>  When one person does something wrong, they are unchivalric and
>>need
>>>to
>>>>  be taken to task for it. Right?
>>>>
>>>Perhaps. If they are self-aware and adult enough to realize they've
>>done
>>>something wrong on their own, and then admit to it, and/or apologize
>>for
>>>it, then no. Assuming this is not the case, then yes, although I
>>would
>>>not have used the phrase "need to be taken to task". (semantics
>>warning)
>>>Perhaps "spoken to"? "Shown the error of their ways"?
>>>
>>>>  People then decide that they are the judge and jury and must bring
>>>>  this public as rudely as possible to teach the person a lesson,
>>and
>>>>  thus being unchivalric themself. Right?
>>>>
>>>Right. Miss Manners says (grin) it is even more of a breach of
>>>ettiquette to publicly point out someone's breach than it is to
>>commit
>>>the first breach. (Hmm...does that mean parents are worse than their
>>>children when they tell them to take their elbows off the table?)
>>>
>>>(snippage occured here)
>>>>  Second, how does one properly take someone to task that is
>>behaving
>>>>  inappropriately?
>>>>
>>>Well, failing the "lead by example" option, I have always thought
>>that
>>>talking to them directly and PRIVATELY yields the best results.
>>Putting
>>>someone on the spot is in poor taste...and can distract the person
>>from
>>>thinking about the message you are trying to convey to thinking about
>>>how best to get out of being the one everyone's looking at.
>>>
>>>>  I have always assumed that talking plainly and calmly directly to
>>>>  people would work most of the time. When that doesn't work, using
>>>>  plain and obvious examples of why it is bad has always worked.
>>There
>>>>  are of course those individuals who will do as they will no matter
>>>>  what. There is nothing we can do about them except socially ignore
>>>>  them until they go away.
>>>>(snippage occured here as well)
>>>
>>>Socially ignore them and HOPE they go away. For some it's not a
>>matter
>>>of "do as they will no matter what". For some they just simply can't
>>or
>>>won't comprehend that they're in the wrong. To do so is to admit they
>>>are in error, and some simply cannot do that for whatever reaon -
>>>"foolish pride", "insecurity", what have you.
>>>
>>>She who is never Perfect, but strives for Improvement -
>>>Lady Catriona Rowley
>>>Bryn Gwlad, Ansteorra
>>>>
>>>>--
>>>>Phelim "Pug" Gervase  |  "I know that I will never be politically
>>>
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