ANST - Another Funny Story From Alina's Sister

Alice Harris lg_photo at
Thu Mar 26 17:02:16 PST 1998

Greeting From Alina:
This came from one of my sisters. 

          FW: I've been there..
          Thu, 26 Mar 98 14:49:00 CST
          "Laura M. Stone" <LSTONE01 at>


     Cross my heart this happened to this who guy lives in
     Westchester, NY, and goes to school at Ithaca College.

     For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also
     from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has
     never had the courage.  Finally, one day over the summer, he sees   
     home and musters up the courage to ask her out.  She accepts, and
     they make  dinner plans for Saturday night.

     Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and
     drinks like Prohibition is coming back.  Saturday, he is in such
     bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without   
     throwing up or using the bathroom.

      After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but
      he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't
      want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to   

      So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City
      (about a 30 minute ride).

       They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the
       appetizers to use the bathroom.  They enjoy the rest of the
       appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again
       during the entrees.

       They decide to get dessert.  During dessert, our hero feels
       another rumbling, but doesn't want to look like a complete
       bathroom freak, so he holds it.  After a few minutes, the rumbling
       subsides, but he still has a bit of gas stored up.  He decides to   
       little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly, of

       Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little
surprise. "Oh
       crap," he  thinks (and feels).

      Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately
      leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this
      suprise.  He maintains this yoga position for the rest of
      dessert, trying to  figure out what to do before his tan pants (a)
start to
      smell, or  (b) start to show stains on the outside.

      He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by
      the  way, he is walking like a cowboy.  On the way to the train
      station,  they pass the Gap. "Do you mind if I run in and buy a
      sweater that I was looking  at last week?" he asks.  "No problem,   
      like to look around too,"  she replies.

      They go into the Gap.  Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions are
      on the right, women's fashions are on the left.

      They split up.  Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach,
      and hurries over to the khaki rack.  After selecting a pair that
      most closely resemble his current outfit, he brings both items to   
      register.  His eyes are on his date (still on the other side
      of the store) to make sure that she doesn't see him buying the

       He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says through clenched
       teeth (just in case his date can read  lips from 40 feet away)   
       the pants."

      "What?" asks the Gap girl.

      "Just the pants!" (Eyes still trained on his date.)

       Gap girl:  "Oh, OK."

      He pays for the pants and walks over to his date, then they leave
      the store.  They board the train just before it leaves the
      station and find two seats in the middle of the car.  Without   
      down, our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the   
of the
      car. He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly
      rips off his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and
      them out the window.

       After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out
       just the sweater.

Alina Mitchell
lg_photo at
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