ANST - The Peer of All Three

Steafanmac at aol.com Steafanmac at aol.com
Fri Jan 8 15:00:28 PST 1999


Greetings all:

This came to me through the JesterWeb via the Midrealm list.  I apologize for
it being long, but I found it to be a wonderful distraction from my mail of
the past couple days and I thought I'd share it with all of you too.

BTW, no offense is intended or should be inferred by this post.  No animals
were harmed during the typing of this post.  Void where prohibited by law.

Lord Steafan, who can be argued with, complained at and told off to at
steafanmac at aol.com.  Save bandwidth - check your To: tag!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Lady Dorothy:  I don't like this encampment! It's - it's kitchy and out of
period!

Senescrow:  Of course, I don't know, but I think it'll get kitchier before it
gets better.

Lady Dorothy:  Do - do you suppose we'll meet any wild belly dancers?

Tin Knight:  Yummm - we might.

Lady Dorothy:  Oh -

Senescrow:  Dancers that - that show skin?

Tin Knight:  Maybe - some - but mostly we'll see spandex and elf ears and
fangs.

Lady Dorothy:  Spandex!

Senescrow:  And elf ears!

Tin Knight:  And fangs!

Lady Dorothy:  Oh! Spandex and elf ears and fangs! Oh, - my -

Lady Dorothy, Senescrow, Tin Knight:  Spandex and elf ears and fangs!

Lady Dorothy:  Oh My!

Senescrow:  Oh, look!

Lady Dorothy:  Oh!

Vampire:  Hah! Put 'em up! Put 'em - up! Which one of you first? I'll fang you
both together, if you want.  I'll fang ya' with one claw tied behind my back!
I'll fang ya' standin' on one hoof! I'll fang ya' with both my sockets closed.
Oh, pullin' an axe on me, eh? Sneakin' up on me, eh?  Why!

Tin Knight:  Here - here. Go away and let us alone.

Vampire:  Oh, offended, huh? Appalled, huh? Hah! How long can you stay fresh
in that can? Come on, you can't stand up to my spite, you shivering junk yard!
Quit covering your eyes up, you puffed up bag of wind!

Senescrow:  Now that's getting personal, vampire.

Tin Knight:  Yes, tell him he's out of period and teach him a lesson.

Senescrow:  Well I might hurt his feelings, what's wrong with you teachin'
him?

Tin Knight:  Me? - well - well, I hardly know him.

Vampire (chases after Toto the Pelican):  Well, I'll bite you anyway, Pee Wee.

Lady Dorothy (grabs his arm to hold him back):  Oh!  Shame on you!  *Rrrrip*

Vampire:  What did you do that for?  I didn't fang him.

Lady Dorothy:  No, but you tried to.  It's bad enough picking on a Kingdom
Official, but when you go around picking on poor little Pelicans.

Vampire:  Well, you didn't have to go and rip my sleeve, did you?  Oh no!  Are
my hose running?

Lady Dorothy:  Well, of course not.  My goodness, what a fuss you're making!
Well, naturally when you go around picking on things politer than you are -
why, you're nothing but a great big fop!

Vampire:  You're right, I'm secretly a ... a dandy!  But I haven't any sense
of taste at all.  I even offend myself.  Look at the mascara circles under my
eyes.  I haven't danced in weeks.

Tin Knight:  Why don't you try tatting lace?

Vampire:  That doesn't do any good - I don't have the motor skills.

Senescrow:  Oh, that's too bad. Don't you think the Triple could help him too
Dorothy?

Lady Dorothy:  I don't see why not.  Why don't you come along with us?  We're
on our way to see the Triple Peer now.  To get the Knight a beer.

Tin Knight:  And him a Seneschal's court.

Senescrow:  And her an encampment.

Lady Dorothy:  I'm sure he could give you some taste.

Vampire:  Well, wouldn't you feel degraded to be seen in the company of a
gothic vampire?  I would.

Lady Dorothy:  No, of course not!

Vampire:  Gee, that - that's awfully nice of you.  My existence has been very
grave up 'til now.

Lady Dorothy:  Oh, well, it's all right now.  The Triple Peer'll fix
everything.

Vampire:  It - it's been in me so long I just gotta tell you how I feel ...

(Sings)

Yeah, it's sad, believe me, Missy, When you're born to be a sissy
Perfumed and pouffed and laced
But I'd stand right up and boast, be a dandy not a ghost
If I only had some taste.
I know it's really campy to be dressed so dark and vampy
A fate I don't deserve.
I'd be fancy as a whipple....

Tin Knight:  I'd be happy with a tipple....

Senescrow:  My court would cause a ripple....

All:  If the Triple is a Triple who will serve.  Then I'm sure to get...

Senescrow:  a court,

Tin Knight:  a beer,

Lady Dorothy:  a camp,

Vampire:  the verve!

All together:  We're off to see the Triple, The Wonderful Peer of all Three.
You'll find he is a dear of a Peer! If ever a Peer there be.
If ever oh ever a Peer there be The Peer of all three is one you see,
You see, you see, you see, you see, you see.
And maybe he'll make us a peer trainee.
We're off to see the Triple, The Wonderful Peer of all Three.

(all skip off singing their way happily down the Runeystone Highway.)



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