ANST - Fwd: SCA Seizes Russia!

[Alys Roke]

Ok, I'm sure there are many of you who will scold me for posting something 
inappropriate, but it was just too funny not to pass on.  Hope you all enjoy 
it :)

Lady Alys
>
>Hi all;
>
>This appeared in "The Onion", one of the funniest news(?) web sites >out 
>there.  I thought that this was just so great I had to pass it >on! Let me 
>know what you all think.
>Hugh
>
>http://www.theonion.com/onion3520/sca_siezes_russia.html
>Check out the pictures on the site! their great!
>
>
>       MOSCOW--Official reports from the Kremlin
>Tuesday confirmed that the Society for Creative
>Anachronism, a group of medieval-wargames
>hobbyists, seized control of Russia in a bloodless coup
>over the weekend.
>
>       "Weakened by food shortages, political instability
>and widespread economic chaos, our military's
>combined forces proved no match for the enemy's
>rattan-and-duct-tape broadswords and homemade
>weaponry," said deposed Russian president Boris
>Yeltsin during a national radio address in which he
>relinquished rulership to the "Principality Of The Mists," one of
>several dozen SCA "kingdoms." "I can't tell you how humiliating this is," 
>he added.
>
>       The SCA, founded in 1966 by a group of Berkeley science->fiction and 
>fantasy fans, is a non-profit organization dedicated to >fun and learning 
>through such medieval activities as metalwork, >calligraphy, lute-playing 
>and brewing. Boasting more than
>20,000 dues-paying members in 14 countries, the club is also known >for 
>holding elaborately staged mock battles, followed by feasting >and 
>merrymaking amid the revelry of troubadours and jesters.
>
>       The seizure of over 70% of Russia's land mass marks the first >time 
>the SCA has ventured into the arena of international politics.
>
>       "I can't believe how easy it was to claim Kiev for the >Kingdom Of 
>Ealdormere," said Royal Peer Gawain Falconsfyre, a 44->year-old 
>tech-support assistant from a
>suburb of Toronto. "It was a piece of cake. Haven't any of these >Russians 
>ever heard of a moving-shield-wall offense?"
>
>       Falconsfyre and an SCA faction armed only with rubber maces
>successfully captured two Russian tank divisions outside Moscow >Saturday 
>when fuel shortages immobilized the armored vehicles.
>
>       Due to the disarray of communications within Russia, >information 
>regarding the actual invasion is sketchy. It was >confirmed, however, that 
>St. Petersburg was taken without a shot
>being fired late Saturday morning, after thousands of Russian >soldiers 
>deserted their posts, joining approximately 70 SCA knights >advancing on 
>the city in hopes of being issued new boots and coats.
>
>       The SCA also overtook vast areas at the borders of former >Russian 
>republics Ukraine and Belarus simply by trading several >sacks of potatoes 
>for enemy guns.
>
>       "Forsooth, mine legions of brave warmakers hath conquered
>the Lands West O' the Urals! Let there be great rejoicing in our
>noble victory!" exclaimed Cedric, Bard of the House of Æthelmearc, >36, 
>hoisting a flagon of ale. "What, ho! Bring on the serving wenches!"
>
>       Cedric, known as Harold Freed when among non-SCA members, is 
> >credited with capturing two military air bases and a string of >missile 
>installations throughout the north Caucasus region along the >Georgian 
>border--an area rendered vulnerable by ethnic infighting, >corruption and 
>military anarchy.
>
>       SCA leaders, who have called the weekend's campaign "a really >good 
>time," were said to be especially pleased with the invasion's >early 
>wrap-up, as it left the remainder of the weekend free for >social 
>recreation in the form of mead-drinking, archery
>contests, and the singing of bawdy madrigals.
>
>       Even captured Russian soldiers were invited to join in the >fun and 
>campfire dancing. Such "good sportsmanship" has some >analysts arguing that 
>the SCA's power base in Russia may even
>benefit the troubled land in the long run.
>
>       "Though civilian rioting and widespread starvation still rock >the 
>major population centers, Russia is actually more stable right >now than it 
>has been for the last 18 months," Harvard political >science professor F. 
>Horace Gunderson said. "Candle-dipping
>seminars are addressing the problems posed by energy shortages, and >the 
>booths selling roasted turkey legs represent, in many regions, >the first 
>source of food in weeks."
>
>       "This could be the best thing to happen to Russia in years,"
>agreed State Department foreign-affairs analyst Howard Plum. "The >sale of 
>jewelry, driftwood art and other medieval handcrafting at >concession 
>tables throughout Russia has boosted local economies, and >SCA presence has 
>even created new jobs in the custodial and >campground-rental fields."
>
>       The U.N. security council is drafting a proposal urging SCA >forces 
>to remain in Russia, at least until a more viable interim >government can 
>be structured. "Under the current political system, >the Russian people 
>face Mafia domination of the black market and a >deteriorating national 
>infrastructure," U.N. Ambassador Thomas R.
>Pickering said. "With an elaborately networked consortium of amateur 
> >gamers in charge, however, there will at least be some semblance of 
> >order."
>
>       Members of SCA nobility, however, say the group has no >interest in 
>running Russia for any great length of time, especially >with the members' 
>need to prepare for their next major event, this
>summer's Pennsic War between the East and Middle Kingdoms, to be >held in 
>Pennsylvania. Insiders expect the occupying forces to return >power to the 
>Russian government "on the honor system" and return to >their day jobs by 
>the end of the week.
>
>       "We're doing this for fun, not the vulgar acquisition of >personal 
>political power," said insurance actuary and Arizona native >Willownook 
>Pendragon, of the Kingdom of Atenveldt. "We're here to >celebrate our 
>mutual interest in the ways and customs of pre-1600 >feudal Europe, and to 
>bedeck ourselves in the heraldic regalia of >our fictional medieval 
>personas, not to get mixed up in politics."
>
>       Pendragon added that "anyone who wants to have a fun time and >make 
>new friends" should check out the SCA home page or contact the >group's 
>California headquarters directly at its toll-free number for >more 
>information on an SCA chapter in their area.
>
>       "We're really just friendly folks who welcome outsiders,"
>Pendragon said. "Plus, now is a great time to get involved, because 
> >there's lots of super events coming up this summer, and you'll
>want time to prepare the correct blazon for your heraldry."
>
>
>
>


_______________________________________________________________
Get Free Email and Do More On The Web. Visit http://www.msn.com
============================================================================
Go to http://lists.ansteorra.org/lists.html to perform mailing list tasks.