ANST - Re: Rudeness in Court

C. L. Ward gunnora at realtime.net
Fri Jun 2 14:09:56 PDT 2000


>> I think you did the right thing in deciding to show restraint, rather than
>> giving the louts in question the tongue-lashing they so richly deserved.  

I think "restraint" was the wrong thing -- though so would "tongue-lashing"
be the wrong thing in a case such as this as well.

Saying nothing to the man, nor seeking him out later to discuss the matter,
then lambasting the person in a public forum like this is not going to help
things.

What I would suggest instead for someone who finds themselves in such a
situation is to ask the man to discuss the matter privately, then move off
from court.  Tell the fellow that you feel the comments were uncalled for,
they were rude, and that they hurt your feelings.  Ask for an apology.
Point out that this behavior could have permanently scarred a newcomer, or
even any newcomers who were in the vicinity who heard the exchange.  Remind
him politely that a man in his station and of his rank is expected to show
courtesy and noblesse, and ask him in the future to consider moving to
another location if his during-court conversations are disturbing others
around him.

If the fellow won't discuss it then, ask to discuss it with him later.  If
that doesn't work, get a champion -- ideally someone of rank who possesses
some good interpersonal skills, and ask them to go with you to discuss this
with the fellow.  If you just totally cannot manage to participate in a
discussion of this nature, get a champion who will take up the issue and go
have the discussion on your behalf.

There are many, many proactive things that could be done in this situation.
 But in ***ANY*** conflict in the SCA (or any other group, for that matter)
your first responsibility is to discuss your differences with the person
with whom you have the differences, yourself, and to ***NOT*** backstab,
backbite, or gossip about the malefactor without having this discussion
with them.

The SCA would be such a wonderful place if EVERY person in it would commit
to problem solving and straight dealing.  It's unreasonable to expect that
every member will behave at all times with courtesy and chivalry -- these
are human beings we are speaking of, after all.  But it is not too much to
ask that older members teach these good resolution skills to younger
members.  It is not too much to ask that people at least try to resolve
their differences directly, with the person or people involved, before they
turn to gossip and innuendo and revenge.  

If you truly value the Dream, then immediately commit yourself to direct,
polite, business-like discussions with people with whom you have
differences as your FIRST recourse, **ALWAYS**.  For that is how people in
large groups may interact productively.  And that is how we will preserve
the Dream.


Wæs Þu Hæl (Waes Thu Hael)

::GUNNORA::

Baroness Gunnora Hallakarva, OL
Lion of Ansteorra
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Ek eigi visa þik hversu oðlask Lofstirrlauf-Kruna heldr hversu na Hersis-Aðal
(Ek eigi thik hversu odhlask Lofstirrlauf-Kruna heldr hversu na Hersis-Adhal)

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