ANST - RE: Rude Laurel

[C. L. Ward]

Gracious!  My mistake!  Several people have correctly pointed out that I
read the post wrong -- the rude fellow was not a Laurel -- Laurels were in
the group being abused.  You can imagine my consternation on my first
(incorrect) reading if you try to imagine, say, Master Fritz uttering the
boorishnesses reported!  My apologies, I misread the original post!!

Still, I continue to suggest that speaking with the fellow was the first
avenue of recourse.  Some folks have suggested to me that with a real
b*tthead "talking to" might do no good.  None the less, talk to them
anyway.  Someone who is this awful may need stronger remedies, yes -- but
the first step in all conflict resolution is a direct approach to the
problem person.  

OK, so talking to them does no good.  Document the day and time you spoke
to them, and what was said.  Then escalate the matter to the next level.
Since (as I have been informed) this fellow was a member of the rapier
community, I'd have spoken with the Dons and Doñas about the matter and
asked them to help address it.  Had the problem person been a Laurel or
other artisan, then go to the Laurels.  If it had been a Pelican, go to the
Pelicans.  If a knight or other fighter, the Crown and/or the Belted
Circle.  If this had been an officer in a  local group, I'd talk to their
seneschal and baron/ess -- or if the problem concerned their job as an
officer, I'd speak to their Kingdom superior.  If the malefactor is in
fealty or is a student of a peer, address the bad behavior to their liege
or teacher.  Or if the person is in a well-organized household such as
Thunder or Wolfstar, talk to the head of the household or household "elders".


In all these cases, I'd ask the person or people I appealed to to speak to
the person *with* me.  And again, afterwards document who the people were,
when the talk occurred, the location and the content of the discussion.

Why do this?  Because with a really horrible, awful person, sometimes you
have to move to disciplinary action.  Luckily, most people are fairly
reasonable and really don't want to hurt anyone, and when their bad
behavior is pointed out they apologize and are truly contrite.  Some people
are not contrite, but will back off anyway because they feel peer pressure
or don't want the disapproval of others, particularly their social group
and leaders within that group -- which means that for a rapier fighter,
they usually want the approval (or at least don't want disapproval and lack
of advancement) from the other members of the rapier community and the
leaders of that community, specifically the Dons and Doñas and the Queen.
We all have a "community" within the SCA -- often we have several
overlapping ones.  And peer pressure or Peer pressure can be a very potent
force for change.

And for those who have cast-iron hard heads full of manure, well, there are
disciplinary processes.  It is possible for an autocrat or local officers
or a baron/ess to make a malefactor leave an event site.  An officer can be
removed from office.  The Crown can decree a banishment.  And if the
offenses are serious enough, then a really awful person can be stripped of
membership in the SCA and banned from our activities.  But all of these
options *MUST* have documentation, and you need to show that reasonable,
progressive, step-by-step attempts have been made to curb the bad behavior.
 That's why you *have* to start by talking to the malefactor directly.

Not everybody comes to the SCA with good conflict resolution skills.
That's one reason we get so many people who get hurt feelings and never
*do* anything about them.  I'd like to see older members in local groups
teach the proper chain of appeal and conflict resolution to new members.
I'd like to see Peers teach these skills to their students and their local
groups.  I'd like officers to be reviewed on conflict resolution when
taking office as a mandatory class necessary to get their warrant.  

If we gave everybody a good grounding in good conflict resolution
techniques, there would still be some who wouldn't use it.  But there would
be a few more folks who would have these new skills and could put them to
use.  Conflict resolution is a peerage skill for *all* of our peerages, and
a good thing to learn for anyone.  Having a good grounding in conflict
resolution can help you in your day-to-day life as well, not just in the
SCA -- these skills are useful in your own family, and at your job!

::GUNNORA::
mailto:gunnora at realtime.net

The Viking Answer Lady Webpage


http://www.realtime.net/~gunnora/

The Ladies of the Chivalry Webpage


http://www.realtime.net/~gunnora/ladyknights/

The Alexandrian Company Webpage


http://www.realtime.net/~gunnora/alexandrians/

============================================================================
Go to http://lists.ansteorra.org/lists.html to perform mailing list tasks.