[Ansteorra] Chivalry isn't dead...

[Arabella de Montacute]

When I first joined the SCA I had to learn how to accept the help from gentlemen.  I wasn't used to getting any help and I am quite the independant woman.  I had to *learn* that it felt good and made me feel like a lady.

I also had to *learn* that I sometimes I had to ASK for help.  This also was a hard chore.  I again wasn't used to asking.  I can faithfully say I've rarely been turned down when I did ask a gentleman for help.

I also had to learn something else... If I really didn't need the help I still had to thank them for asking.  It shows they were paying attention and I appreciate their gesture.

HL Arabella (who loves to feel like a lady)

>Good ladies and all who read this,
>
>Sorry, but I've got to step in here. I don't know how many times I've
>offered to help a lady carry something only to be rebuffed. I've had
>actually had women get offended that I offered to help, telling me that they
>were *quite* capable of carrying something without a man's assistance. Which
>is it? Should we offer or not? How can we tell that you want help or don't?
>Body language doesn't do it, by the way - men, in general, aren't good at
>interpreting it.
>
>There have also been several occasions where I've helped various women carry
>various things throughout the day, only to be called down and criticized on
>the one time that I didn't see a lady with a burden or was unable to help.
>It seems to me that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't and will be
>criticized either way.
>
>Awaiting the fire,
>Pendaran
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Michele Hoermann [mailto:ladyjutta at earthlink.net]
>Sent: Wednesday, April 24, 2002 6:04 AM
>To: ansteorra at ansteorra.org
>Subject: Re: [Ansteorra] History/Enculturation/Cliquishness....
>
>
>And may I add in this bit a few ladies and I have noticed....
>What ever happened to the time when a lady could not walk 3 feet carrying
>something heavy or bulky (or anything for that matter) without a lord coming
>out of nowhere to pluck these things from your arms and assist you to your
>destination. Be it just 2 more feet away or clear across the site. I know
>this time was not THAT long ago. Yet, I have had many men, including Knights
>and Dons, walk right by a lady with her arms full and not even take notice.
>Please tell me that chivalry is not dead in the SCA!!
>Lady Jutta
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Pam Kendrick" <pkendrick at houston.rr.com>
>To: <ansteorra at ansteorra.org>
>Sent: Tuesday, April 23, 2002 9:11 PM
>Subject: RE: [Ansteorra] History/Enculturation/Cliquishness....
>
>
>> I hate to say this, but here goes.......................
>>
>> Last year at Star Gate's Baronial I could not even get one of four knights
>> to help me lift a heavy cooler off a table and onto the floor, though I
>> asked several times for assistance.
>>
>> They were MUCH too busy talking about how to properly hit an opponent.  I
>> have since stopped asking.
>>
>> Setting up camp alone, with or without children, has become the norm
>rather
>> than the exception.
>>
>> Damask
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: ansteorra-admin at ansteorra.org
>> [mailto:ansteorra-admin at ansteorra.org]On Behalf Of DonnelShaw at aol.com
>> Sent: Tuesday, April 23, 2002 7:40 PM
>> To: ansteorra at ansteorra.org
>> Subject: Re: [Ansteorra] History/Enculturation/Clickishness....
>>
>>
>> I know personally I can no longer set up a camp by myself. I don't have
>the
>> strength. But I don't seem to get the help I use to get. Since I have
>> children with me I tend to be stuck looking for someone and apologizing
>to
>> them. My solution has been an RV. But that does not cover it at a lot of
>> events. Thus I tend to day trip a lot of times. I use to brag that I could
>> always find help to set up my tent. Now that is not the case. I know there
>> are other women who travel by them selves with children that have voiced
>> similar. Can I see any up lifted hands willing to help when needed women
>> with
>> children?
>> Ly Maili Donnel MacGregor
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