[Ansteorra] History/Enculturation/Clickishness....

Chuck and Rhonda Leggett RLEGGETT at austin.rr.com
Wed Apr 24 19:35:32 PDT 2002


Help!  I'm being irresistably drawn into this thread!
Politely, or even just civilly, declining  an offer to assist should not be
compared to the experience of being rudely rebuffed ("I can do it
MYSELF!!!"). This type of response is never acceptable, for any reason
(other than, possibly, some private and personal grudge).  I have
experienced, personally, all four basic responses:  the above-mentioned
rudeness; the honest, appreciative, "No, thank you, I can manage;" the
almost reluctant acceptance of one who is independant but just "can't
quite;" and those that like to play the game and readily accept (almost) any
offer because that IS the game.  (Of course, every-one has their own list of
catagories; this one serves my needs.)  The only one that is offensive is
the first group; sadly, their influence is far greater than their number.
The other three groups are the ones I enjoy the company of and consider
"Ladies."
If a Lady, or any-one for that matter, is in need of assistance, any member
of my household (House of Brick) is more than eager to do what we can.  Of
course, with our (often) large encampment and my own four children plus
others frequently, we stay pretty busy ourselves, but I don't think that has
stopped any of us from offering a few minutes for a gentle in need (at
least, not deliberately).  After all, unless some-one is looking to employ a
servant, nothing should take more than a few minutes.  If time is that
'tight,' perhaps this isn't the best choice of recreational activity?  It is
good to maintain perspective.
    I will now attempt to escape from this
d--- - - -  -   -    -      -        -

Ever in service,
Marion du Massue
House of Bricks.

----- Original Message -----
From: "Rhodes-walden, Jennifer" <Jennifer.Rhodes-walden at usa.xerox.com>
To: <ansteorra at ansteorra.org>
Sent: Wednesday, April 24, 2002 10:52 AM
Subject: RE: [Ansteorra] History/Enculturation/Clickishness....


>
> My dear ladies and gentlemen,
>
> This is, unfortunately, a two way street - those who offer assistance and
> those who are (like me) too independently obstinate to accept it. I wish I
> could offer a possible solution; I cannot.
>
> Not all gentlemen or ladies ignore those in need of assistance, and Sir
> Pendaran is entirely right in that such offers can be rebuffed; sometimes
> with a less than polite refusal. I gather that some of these generous
> gentles have since ceased to offer assistance, for who wishes to have
their
> actions treated so? On the other side of the proverbial coin, there are
> those who may not see the need for assistance and therefore do not
consider
> the matter.
>
> This being the case, I can only take responsibility for my own actions.
Sir
> Pendaran, Michael of the Fray, other gentlemen and ladies, if you offer me
> your assistance (and I am frequently in need of it), I will make a point
of
> either accepting it or providing you with a gracious refusal. If I see a
> lady or a gentleman in need of assistance, I will do my best to see that
> need and do what I can to help them.
>
> Sir Pendaran, Lady Innes and Duchess Willow (in addition to other good
> gentles on this list) have made a valid point of stating that the best way
> to alter a situation that displeases is to lead by example. I see the
truth
> in their statement, and will accept their words as a challenge to improve
> myself, reviving the courtesy and chivalry for which many of us joined the
> SCA. And should we all rise to this challenge, we may yet overcome the
> problem presented.
>
> I may be speaking out of turn, and presuming a great deal of others. I
only
> hope that the example becomes the norm, and not the exception.
>
> Elysia
>
>
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