[Ansteorra] Awards and Manners Was--> Things to think about....

[Brother Kris]

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Xene,

I would like to say that your words are the most beautiful relection of what
the experience this Dream of ours is all about.  It is a continuosly growing
and maturing living pathway.  We meet and love new  people who give us the
joy and affirmation we need to keep us returning.  When it ceases to be
rewarding for whatever reason, then don't spoil the peace we are enjoying
-just slip away.  I wish you good travel and good luck.

As for the pay for play,  I realize this is going to make a lot of people
mad, but... if you like the Game join the Team.

-------Original Message-------

From: ansteorra at ansteorra.org
Date: Thursday, July 25, 2002 02:01:44 PM
To: ansteorra at ansteorra.org
Subject: RE: [Ansteorra] Awards and Manners Was--> Things to think about....

Greetings,
Xene here:

Next year is my 25th year in the SCA. I've done a lot of stuff in this
group, because I *like* doing things. Sometimes, I can't do as much because
of physical or financial limitations, or I just get burned out for a little
while, but I keep coming back and doing things because I enjoy the
friendships and activities that we are doing.

One of the many things that I have learned being in the SCA, is that we
don't always get instant appreciation from other people for our efforts.
Sometimes, the thanks come back to you many, many years later. And
sometimes, you never see the thanks, but you are thought of with respect by
others. That respect and wordfame is priceless.

I consider it a type of Karma - what goes around, comes around - and that
all the positive things that we do (for the right reasons) will reward us in
some way, some day. The negative things that we do also come back to bite
us in the butt,.... but that's another story.

Maria, perhaps you aren't *hearing* the "Thank You's" anymore. The gift of
your wonderful cool chicken salad revived me at Steppes Warlord when I was
feeling badly. I have seen the joy on my son's face after receiving one of
the tunics that you made for the Boffer Tournament at that same event. If I
didn't thank you before, then I thank you now - publicly.

I suppose when people are new, our groups try to lavish more thanks and
attention on them in order to retain the good folks. It's kinda like a
courtship. After you are married and settled into the family, you are less
likely to be verbally thanked regularly for your day to day efforts. It is
more of an expected norm that you will do these things. Are you taken more
for granted? Yes, probably. But then you can become the one to thank
others for their efforts and to help them have a good time at events.
That's part of the whole growth process in this social organization.

However, if you aren't getting what you want and need from the SCA, then
either you need to decide if you have to change your expections or choose to
look elsewhere for the affirmations that you need. I agree with Dominic that
the SCA cannot cater to everyone's special needs, but that we must take
responsibility for ourselves, first. Like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, once
we take care of our basic needs - food, shelter, stability, security , etc -
then we can work towards our social needs. (See
http://www.connect.net/georgen/maslow.htm for more information)

I've rambled long enough, but suffice it to say that we *should* do all the
good that we can, but that none of us are perfect human beings. A little
forgiveness of others and ourselves will go a long way, too.

Xene







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