[Ansteorra] Feasts? Names? Food? (long, grab a drink and read this in a bubblebath)

[Michael Gunter]

Okay, an avowed foodie and overall geek I had to chime in on
this fascinating discussion.

Annoying Gunthar comment #1:

I think a tavern is great. Having been distantly involved in the
late, lamented Black Wolf Tavern from Steppes Warlord for several
years I think taverns are really nifty and a heck of a lot more
convenient than many a feast. Now that I'm all touchy-feely
and we are about to break into Kumbyah I'm going into true
Gunthar form and be controversial. The thing that inspires my
commentary is that, although I think the tavern is extremely
groovy, I was dismayed at the menu. Hamburgers, hot dogs,
chicken fried steak, etc... are great but I would have liked to
see foods in a more period vein. Or "peri-oid" as us Mid-evil
food geeks smugly call it. Things like grilled chicken, meat
pies, sausages or whatever. There are lots of things out there
that contribute to the overall feel without being too weird or
period. One cool thing is that even period dishes can be
just as easily prepared, consumed and enjoyed. Shoot, there
are many of us who would be happy to give some ideas.

Gunthar annoying rant #2: The Number One cook name at
events. I'm a major antagonist of the rampant "O-crat mania"
of the SCA. My personal Satan being "Co-Autocrat", how can
you be the assistant Supreme Leader? So, the top cook names?
I rather prefer "Archimagris" but when I use that people think
I'm Dumbledore so I have to put my pointy hat away (unless I
pretend I'm that new Dumbledore who resembles a rasta chef
I used to be aquainted with). Other spiffy names are "Head Cook"
(although that makes me think of cannibals), Chef de Cuisine (another
favorite of mine because it sounds pompous and tight-assed),
"Kitchener" was more used for the underlings (those are the people
you see in my kitchens usually openly weeping) and the number
one title for the sap who got suckered into feeding 200 very
picky diners who want a 10 course Prime Rib dinner for $5 is..
...."The poor sap who got suckered into feeding 200 very picky
diners who want a 10 course Prime Rib dinner for $5".

(Postscript: a nifty title for the person in charge of drinks is
"Botlier". Which was the person in charge of the casks of wine
and such. The Botlier later became head of the staff and later
evolved into the personal assistant to the head of the house
and then even later became responsible for every murder ever
committed)

Gunthar rant number 3: (Even I don't know how long this is
going to continue! I hear they've taken up a betting pool).
Cutsey SCA names part deux.
The period name for the person who sat and guarded the
gate was "Guard of the Gate" or "Porter" but then folk
arriving at 3 am will want the poor sap sitting and freezing
his butt off to help them carry their bags. I think "Gate" is
sufficient. Don't y'all?

Those different little meals you get at feast? You know, we
keep wondering what to call those courses so that we sound
properly Mid-eeeeeval? Well, those courses are called....Courses!
The mind boggles.

What oh what shall we call those adorable little tykes raiding the
coolers and chasing raccoons across the list field? "Children" or
"Babies" are far too modern for us Medavelers. "Smalls" is cute.
Well, if you want to call your little spittin-images "Underwear" that's
just between you and your family counsellor. The mini-humans
running between horses legs and thwacking the Lord on the legs
with a stick were amusingly referred to as "Child", "Baby" and
"Get away from me you little......darling".

Words....without them we'd just grunt.

Yers,

Gunthar

(Hey, I've been away so I have a new generation of Ansteorrans
to burn me in effigy