[Ansteorra] What has happened?

[Beth Ellis]

> As far as a woman refusing to be helped, they are also the exception not 
> the rule.  If you are one of these independent woman, please thank them 
> kindly but tell them you do want to do it yourself.  And when you 
> encounter this politely excuse yourself.  This should allow those of us 
> who want to be waited on and treated delicately to continue to be, and 
> those few stubbornly independent woman to keep their Independence with out 
> the need for rudeness.
> Elizabeth
>

Actually, it should come down to polite behavior all the way around, 
regardless of who is offering to help whom, and whether that help is needed 
or not.   As for myself, when asked if I need assistance carrying things I 
am always flattered because it shows that someone cares enough to ask; 
indeed, such experience inevitably makes my day because I like seeing people 
display courtesy to each other.  But since I am one of those independent 
type ladies spoken of above, I almost always decline the offer after 
responding with a grateful thanks.   My reasons for declining usually stem 
from feelings that I'm wasting the other person's time by having them haul 
stuff for me that I could haul myself.  I also figure there are others 
around that for one reason or another need help more than I do, so that 
frees up the "offeree" to help the ones that really need it. What's 
important to me is that the person cares enough to check and see if I need 
any help, and I take it on faith that when I thank them (while at the same 
time declining their offer), they understand just how much I appreciate 
their kindness.  But I don't just leave offers of help to the guys - except 
for those times when I'm being a totally distracted duffus, I also try to 
help other people (male or female) whom I spot that may need help. Some 
people take me up on it, and some don't. Either way it's a nice way to 
communicate with another person. I also think that it is very important is 
that courtesy goes both ways.  Just as there's nothing wrong with a 
gentleman offering to help a lady, there's also absolutely nothing wrong 
with a lady offering to help a gentleman who's overloaded with stuff, or for 
a lady to hold the door for a gentleman if she gets there first (been there, 
done that, love it 'cause it's a fun way to interact with other people). 
....Or for ladies to help ladies and gentlemen to help gentlemen for that 
matter.  Bottom line, it's very cool to offer someone a gentle courtesy, and 
it's just as cool to accept - or decline - as long as it is done with equal 
courtesy.

Corrinne

P.S.  I've got to tell this story: The most wonderful example of courtesy 
I've experienced in a long time happened last year at Gulf War.  I bought a 
BIG bag of ice from one of the mundane ice-hauling guys.  He obviously noted 
that I am a rather slight and fragile looking woman, and in his kindness he 
offered to carry the bag all the way over to my tent and put it in my ice 
chest for me.  I did my usual and declined the offer, but I also told him 
that his kindness made my week for me.  While I expect this gentleman was 
already a courteous person, I like to think that his exposure to the SCA 
encouraged him to be even more so.