[Ansteorra] Ansteorra Digest, Vol 5, Issue 18

[Bridget the Stargazer]

First and foremost, Your Grace, let me say that hearing that there is at 
least one person out there who is concerned enough about the way they say 
something to write to the list and ask gladdens my heart. I know there are 
probably many others out there, but you are the one who sent the question.

Perhaps if someone asks for an opinion or advise the first response could be 
to ask them how period they are striving to be. This gives the person asked 
for their opinion a gauge to go by in their response.

Offering positives on the attempt that has already been made can help 
someone feel they have not wasted their time, energy, and money on something 
worthless.

Again, knowing that thoughts like this are in the minds of those who have 
been playing longer than I is heartening as I consider what the next project 
will be.

I also believe that there are those who, no matter how careful one might be, 
will always be offended when told their attempt fell short of the mark.

Hope this is helpful,
Bridget the Stargazer


>
>Message: 1
>Date: Wed, 13 Sep 2006 02:05:55 GMT
>From: "willowjonbardc at juno.com" <willowjonbardc at juno.com>
>Subject: [Ansteorra] Telling someone that what they are doing is not
>	period
>To: loch-ruadh at ansteorra.org, northern at ansteorra.org,
>	ansteorra at ansteorra.org, elfsea at ansteorra.org, steppes at ansteorra.org
>Message-ID: <20060912.190620.27416.792431 at webmail34.nyc.untd.com>
>Content-Type: text/plain
>
>Greetings everyone
>
>I have a special request of you. How can we tell people that what they
>are doing is not correct? That it is not period, but at the same time
>not make them feel bad. Many newer people are telling me that they are
>living in fear because they think their costumes, art, performances or
>behavor are going to be criticized and they are going to be told that
>they are not in period.
>
>  Now as a citizen of the SCA I feel it is my duty to inform people
>that their work may be better if they would stay in period. I have
>tried to tell them in a nice way. I have failed many times. Sometimes
>I am too soft. There was the young lady who was planning on beading a
>piece of polyester double knit. I warned her that taking that much
>time on double knit meant it would not get the best scores at the A&S
>competitions. She said she liked the design and she didn't plan on
>entering A&S. Of course 3 years later she did enter it and got points
>knocked because it was double Knit. She left the SCA over it. I failed
>with my own husband. I told him his work was not period and he is
>still mad at me. Sometimes I have helped people. There was a lady who
>in the everyday world won many awards for her needlework, but she was
>getting nowhere in SCA. I suggested she change her designs to
>something period and she received many awards for her work. When I
>told her that her designs were wrong she cried, but a year later when
>she got her Thistle she hugged me.
>
>We need to tell people the rules of the game, but we need to do it in
>a nice way. Does anyone remember a time when someone set you on the
>right path and did in a way that made you feel good? I would like to
>hear about their techniques. Courtesy is one of the pillars of the
>magic that is Ansteorra. We are smart people. We need to figure out
>how to tell people things without hurting their feelings.
>Duchess Willow de Wisp
>
>
>
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>End of Ansteorra Digest, Vol 5, Issue 18
>****************************************