[Ansteorra] Ansteorra Digest, Vol 5, Issue 18

[Laura Betenbaugh]

Try sandwiching the bad news between 2 sincere good comments about whatever 
it is. This was something I learned from a fellow educater about talking to 
parents about their child.

Lancer Lorraine

----- Original Message ----- 
From: <ansteorra-request at lists.ansteorra.org>
To: <ansteorra at lists.ansteorra.org>
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 4:14 PM
Subject: Ansteorra Digest, Vol 5, Issue 18


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>   1.  Telling someone that what they are doing is not period
>      (willowjonbardc at juno.com)
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Message: 1
> Date: Wed, 13 Sep 2006 02:05:55 GMT
> From: "willowjonbardc at juno.com" <willowjonbardc at juno.com>
> Subject: [Ansteorra] Telling someone that what they are doing is not
> period
> To: loch-ruadh at ansteorra.org, northern at ansteorra.org,
> ansteorra at ansteorra.org, elfsea at ansteorra.org, steppes at ansteorra.org
> Message-ID: <20060912.190620.27416.792431 at webmail34.nyc.untd.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain
>
> Greetings everyone
>
> I have a special request of you. How can we tell people that what they
> are doing is not correct? That it is not period, but at the same time
> not make them feel bad. Many newer people are telling me that they are
> living in fear because they think their costumes, art, performances or
> behavor are going to be criticized and they are going to be told that
> they are not in period.
>
> Now as a citizen of the SCA I feel it is my duty to inform people
> that their work may be better if they would stay in period. I have
> tried to tell them in a nice way. I have failed many times. Sometimes
> I am too soft. There was the young lady who was planning on beading a
> piece of polyester double knit. I warned her that taking that much
> time on double knit meant it would not get the best scores at the A&S
> competitions. She said she liked the design and she didn't plan on
> entering A&S. Of course 3 years later she did enter it and got points
> knocked because it was double Knit. She left the SCA over it. I failed
> with my own husband. I told him his work was not period and he is
> still mad at me. Sometimes I have helped people. There was a lady who
> in the everyday world won many awards for her needlework, but she was
> getting nowhere in SCA. I suggested she change her designs to
> something period and she received many awards for her work. When I
> told her that her designs were wrong she cried, but a year later when
> she got her Thistle she hugged me.
>
> We need to tell people the rules of the game, but we need to do it in
> a nice way. Does anyone remember a time when someone set you on the
> right path and did in a way that made you feel good? I would like to
> hear about their techniques. Courtesy is one of the pillars of the
> magic that is Ansteorra. We are smart people. We need to figure out
> how to tell people things without hurting their feelings.
> Duchess Willow de Wisp
>
>
>
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> End of Ansteorra Digest, Vol 5, Issue 18
> ****************************************
>