[Ansteorra] Bad things

Carla/Ciana cianaoh at yahoo.com
Wed May 16 05:44:50 PDT 2007

I have written and rewritten this several times because it was so long of a rant.  Normally I do not write to the Kingdom list but this affects my children and I feel the need to say a few things.....so I'm sorry if it is long but it has been cut down considerably!!

(Sorry that is work coming out in me!!)
There has been much discussion and most of it is good discussion and some of it should be implemented.  I understand that the Society as a whole needs to protect itself however, there has to be a much better way of doing it.  Punishing the good & innocent because of some sick person is not fair to the rest.  Parents need to stand up and take charge of their children...both in the Society and in the mundane worlds…PERIOD!!  Most of these issues are parental issues not issues that the Society should be addressing.  
I do not have a problem with background checks however, this will not deter this kind of behavior from happening.  If a person (man or woman) is a registered sex offender of any kind do you really think they are going to apply for a position that is going to require them to have a background check??  NO!!  They would be CRAZY to do so.  And as it has been said at least once previously to this one, most pedophiles haven’t been caught yet.  Someone even mentioned that most cases aren’t even reported because of the victim’s fear.  These background checks although great in theory are just going to be a waste of time and money on the part of the Society.  
Parents need to just take charge of this situation and band together.  Parents need to be involved with their kids and watch what they are doing.  You are not the only people in your group with kids.  Get to know the other parents.  Start group parenting!!  That is what my then shire did when my boys were younger and it worked out GREAT!!  If my husband was on the field and I was working on something for the event (usually MOC stuff but not always).  I didn’t have to keep the boys within my sight because I knew that there were at least 10 other sets of eyes out there watching them.  If they did something wrong there would be a verbal lashing from whomever it was that caught them.  Then that person came to me and told me what occurred and they received another lashing and any other form of punishment I deem necessary to correct the issue.  
Parents all have those “funny feelings” about people.  I still get those “creepy” feelings or gut feelings about people.  When I do I watch them closely even if people tell me that they are cool and ok.  I refuse to ignore my gut feeling because I am usually right.  Doesn’t mean they are sexual predators but they are creepy in some kinda way.
Having extra sets of eyes at events are great because I do not feel that my children need to be within direct eye sight of me anymore.  Two of them are teenagers and they have a set of rules to abide by at events.  I don’t have problems with them even at events as large as Gulf Wars.  Now am I saying my children are perfect…NO…just ask those that know them.  Do you screw up…YES.  BUT they are teenage boys and they need room to “grow” and screw up because otherwise they will not learn.  But people come to me, tell me and I do that parenting thing called discipline…I correct it!!  Teenagers NEED some independence from mom & dad.  So the whole being with in sight of mom & dad all the time is just not fair to them.  Younger children I can understand.  My youngest doesn’t have to be within sight of me BUT they ALL have to answer when I “call” or they are in trouble and they know it.  They all have rules and always have even now!!
 IVO this is directed at YOU….
If you do not wish to have a background check and you do not wish to participate in MOC activities with your child…then in my opinion you should not be allowed to drop your child off to participate in the MOC activities.  
To all parents…I realize that doesn’t seem fair BUT is it fair to drop your child off without helping the MOC in charge??  I have been in that position where there are 20 to 40 kids and NONE of the parents want to help out with MOC activities because they are busy with other things around site.  It is usually older teenage girls helping out.  It needs to be a requirement that at least one of the parents put in no less than one hour, and it needs to be enforced!!!
The whole thing of sending my 17 year old to fighter practice with friends if my husband is out of town and I am busy with the other two should be allowed.  He is 17 and I am sending him with people I trust!!  THAT is all the matters!!  This is punishing a good kid for something he can not control in others.   Just about everyone at our fighter practices have my cell number and can reach me if necessary.
I must stress that I adamantly object that once they become teenagers being in the physical presence of their parents is just ridiculous.  How can they learn to be independent adults if they have to stay with us CONSTANTLY!!  I know my boys if they can’t have their “freedom” they will not want to come out and play anymore.  
Teenagers NEED to be allowed to hang out with their friends and they NEED to have the freedom of expression without mom and dad being within sight at all times.  
Now if we have these background checks my concern is for the MOC's of the Society.  There are always people who ask the MOC is they need any help.  Is the SCA going to issue a card of some kind stating that a background check has been made on them?  If I went up and asked an MOC if she/he needed help with the kids activities how is that person supposed to know if I am "ok" by SCA standards to work with the children? 
The above is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings (even you Ivo)....nor is any of this the opinion of my Barony, my Kingdom nor of the SCA.  
It is just the ramblings of a concerned mother of three.....who are good kids and shouldn’t be punished by having to stay within the eye sight of their parents…..
Lady Ciana O'Hara
Barony of Northkeep

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