[Ansteorra] The "Small Wars Proposal"

[Andrew Benton]

  Dearest Noble Lords and Ladies of Ansteorra,
    Historically speaking, mundane nobles were often a rapacious, greedy, bloody-minded, petty lot. They squabbled over land, titles, power, wealth, personal slights, sport, what have you. In my limited time in our society, I have observed that the various Great Lords of the realm all possess frightfully good manners, and are loathe to raise even the lightest of harsh words against one another. They uniformly covet nothing more than a good name, and the respect of their peers. This makes it possible to travel throughout Ansteorra in safety, true. Given that the year's progress is dominated by numerous small colleges and tournaments, feasts, and the like, this is a good thing. But I believe we are missing out on something vital, something invigorating and martial. I would like to offer a small adjustment to how things are done, to introduce a bit of pretend chaos and drama to our kingdom. 
    I propose regional "small wars". The Great Lords of each of the high-population areas... the Barons around Houston, Dallas-Fort Worth, San Antonio, Austin, et cetera should be having daytrip-accessible battles on odd weekends when schedules permit, with the baronies and shires of surrounding communities joining in as they like.
    The basic idea is deceptively simple - two large groups or regions that are relatively close to one another, but not adjacent neighbors (think Austin and San Antonio, or Houston and San Antonio for example) would "declare war" over some imaginary grievance that could be agreed to in advance and played up at court, just for fun. 


The lords would then decide on a place and time, say, some small town between the two. They would also agree on victory conditions, battle rules, whatever... all of that in advance, online - perhaps on a web page for that particular fight. Someone reserves the use of that park, clearing it with local authorities as appropriate. Before the fight, both sides would jockey for allies and fighters, trying to rope the various smaller groups in the surrounding region into supporting one side or another, and doing it all online so all can see and thus enjoy the shenanigans. 

On the appointed day both sides show up, fight, and then a feast would follow, be it BBQ at the local joint, or Denny's. The winners get some bogus title as the “new lords of Generic  Village”. Losers have to buy the brisket, and must now pretend to be sorely aggrieved
 which gives casus belli for next month’s bloody skirmishing!
    I am certainly not the first person to suggest such a thing. These wars would be small and sloppy, and often quite informal, but I expect they would be quite enjoyable for all involved. I think it would fill a niche in the event lineup for those of us who love battles, but often can’t travel to the major wars for one reason or another.
    Sewing Discord in the Name of Peace and Brotherhood,
        Kamaitachi no Kansuke
a.k.a. “Spearweasel”
Barony of Bryn Gwlad
  

-----------------------------------------------------------
If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."

-Jack Handey