[Ansteorra] CMOT Dibbler for the Defense

Peter Schorn peterschorn at pdq.net
Tue Sep 9 17:28:37 PDT 2008

> > >And now the News: Last Sunday morningLord Donald Keyes was arrested
> > >by the Trelac Guard and brought before the Royal Court of
> > >Ansteorra, 

M'lud, I wish to say at the outset that these charges against my client is
totally untrue, an' besides, there weren't no witnesses. 

> > >Lord Keyes had been charged with the crimes of illegal
> > >arms sales, 

'Istorical curiosities, M'lud!  Educational toys fer th' kiddies.
Completely safe an' 'armless if used according to instructions, which is,
"Never stick the pointy end in anyone yer like."

> > >war profiteering, 

An honest businessman's got ter make a profit, M'lud...

> > >inciting riot and insurrection, 

...an' if 'e wants ter 'old an 'arf-off sale, why shouldn't 'e?

> > > unfair business and trade practices, 

M'lud, if a competitor slips an' breaks both 'is legs while walkin' 'ome of
a night, shouldn't 'e just have a better look-out?  A patch o' icy pavement
oughter be pretty easy to see in July!

> > >knowingly selling tainted food,

M'lud, that cow weren't mad--distinctly annoyed, as it were, but mad?

> > >accessory to murder, 

M'lud, I will NOT 'ave Prosecution speakin' of my client as if 'e were a
bleedin' Prada 'andbag!

> > >and withholding money from the Crown.

M'lud, 'ow could my client withhold money from the Crown if the Crown never
arsked 'im for it ter begin with? If 'Is Majesty needs ter borry the loan of
a fiver, 'e 'as but ter ask, but my client don't read minds, M'lud.  No,
M'lud, my client is not now, nor never 'as been, Shirley MacLain...

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