[Ansteorra] Event Stewards- Stop boring us to death

seoseaweed at gmail.com seoseaweed at gmail.com
Wed Jan 20 15:24:42 PST 2010

Your events are dull.

Yes, a bunch of armored thugs are going to noisily assault each other with  
furniture. There may be some swag on display that would bring a good price  
on a seedy Dutch pier. Yes, some deserving people are going to get the  
Sable Doodad. But think of the overlong court... all those officers- and  
that one guy who won't stop talking... The Crown will try to spice it up  
some- but really, aren't Kings usually best at the aforementioned thuggery  
rather than entertainment? And Queens usually are so swamped by clingy,  
lace-drenched dons that you'll never see or hear Her outside a few teary  
but genuine post-thuggery comments. (who's watching our coasts while these  
dandy duelists clog up the court, by the way?)

What you need is some smut... historical, well-documented, filthy, FUNNY,  

And brother, do I ever have it.

We're putting on five short pieces that can be performed together or  
severally based on a few lewd tales from Chaucer and Boccacio. They are not  
for young eyes... there are scenes in them that would make a Borgia pope  
blush and run. Nuns. Monks. Cuckolding. Comedy breasts. Barbary Virgins.  
This is the really low brow stuff... humor even people above the Red River  
can get after a case of 3.2.

If you, or any subversive constituency out there would like a visit from  
the Baron's Men and have a venue that might be a good fit (literally or  
figuratively) please let me know. Each piece is short- none longer than 10  
minutes- and they range from Simple Violence and Marital Commentary all the  
way up to Outright Blasphemic Proto-Porn complete with Puppet Nudity.  
Request as many as you like and we'll do the deed on your stage. The only  
recompense we ask is that you advertise our appearance, give us the  
opportunity to busk for cash while the audience is still stunned, and let  
us hawk our NC-17 trinketry and souvenirs to the morally bereft in your  
group. Everybody loves a "Nuns Have More Fun" pilgrim badge.

No churches, please... we have no interest in being burned at the stake or  
struck by lightning.

Hanse Kleermaker
Director of The Bawdy Five and Rescinded Baron of Ravensfort

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