[Ansteorra] Honest Hanse's Odds for Crown

[LORD Hanse]

Smuggled out of a Ravensfort cell to an old abandoned print shop in
Middleford and secretly distributed at Steppes by street urchins...

 Step right up, step right up!  Place your bets on which nerve-damaged club
swinger will walk away with all the glory next week!

The rules are simple:


   1. Minimum bet is one chicken or six pints of good strong ale.  That
   means the North may have to pool the resources of two or more baronies to
   get in.
   2. Hanse won't pay if somebody throws a fight... unless it's a duke.
   Dukes get to throw any fight that might get them beat by a younger, faster
   fighter and make them look bad.
   3. Hanse pays good coin for any info that might affect the odds.  Tell me
   in private because you might not be funny.  Ask your spouse if you're in
   doubt on this one.
   4. No getting your pretty pink bloomers in a sissy knot over someone
   elses odds.  Or notes on their odds, for that matter (especially if you're a
   don).  Shut up and bet.
   5. It's totally okay to protest your own odds- I'll probably give you a
   bump just because you had the stones to speak up.
   6. Pay up by coronation.  I'm still owed a few chickens and some trim
   from Ulsted XI or whatever it was.
   7. I'll entertain any side bets- makes it to quarter finals, bludgeoned
   witless in the first round, stalls with pretty but boring speech, etc.  You
   propose it and I'll set the odds.

So here we are, two weeks out...


Sir Asaph Hearts 2:1
The clear favorite for this tournament.  We received official notice he'll
be fighting sans undies.  Can anyone face the WaffenFlash?

HE Hraffn Olafson 3:1
Burning with bloody viking lust to win this thing again with long, hard
hours in the gym in preparation.  Hungry for it and nobody wants to stand in
the way.  And Hraffn wants it almost as much.

HG The Mecha-Porto 4:1
Now with bionic back and LAZER Vision. Apparently, the Portuguese have a
similar national distress call system to Japan during the Godzilla/Mothra
era.  Could win but may destroy kingdom level feasts with "Supersonic Song
Beams" if he gets off Monster Island

HG Gunthar Jonson 7:1
The Swedish Soprano has a good shot this time around but he really shouldn't
have washed the shield in hot water.  Prediction: he'll be busier covering
up on defense than a mermaid who's lost her bikini shells to a particularly
rough wave.  Look out for range fighters.

Sir Randall de Krieger 10:1
The Steamroller is fighting for keeps and there's still only one way to beat
him: walk backwards faster than he rolls and wait the 10 or 15 miles it
takes him to run out of gas.  His odds improve the more people hit him; it
confuses him into forgetting he's tired.  Apply Zombie Rule #2 liberally
when attempting to finish him.

HE Owen Ap Aethan 10:1
HE is in the best shape of his life- no more pear; hellllloooooo APPLE!  As
long as his opponents want to go guns to guns, Owen can win it… but will
they?  No… some will be dumb and we'll pick them out of the elephants toes
like slow natives.

HE Romanius Scipio Vesperanius 12:1
HE wants it, he's in pretty good shape, and he has a PU36 Space Modulator.
Opponents may want to consider dropping an anvil or piano on him because
he's very, very angry this time.  Look for fun-to-watch matches between
Romanius and the Big Men- he may not win the tourney but he's known to be a
giant slayer.

HE Jean Paul de Sens 15:1
No amount of FB posting on his fitness ventures will carry that extra 25lbs
of donuts in this tourney.  Lesson: "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" added
to feast basket next reign.

HG Aaron MacGreggor 15:1
Fencing more than practicing with the big boys, HG's point work will be
sharp.  Word from the land of the paynims says that he won't be doing any
"point work" for a while if he wins.

Sir Ysfael Bryndu 20:1
More creativity needed to make it all the way.  In three more tourneys he'll
be ready for the finals but right now he's trying to get as seasoned as his
armor looks.

HG Kein McKewan 20:1
HG is in better shape for this tournament; passed his driving exam eye test,
remembers where he lives, but we're not certain how the Ensure logo will
look on the shield now that he has a sponsor again.

Sir Cameron 25:1
Mr. Nice Guy?  No more- he's hanging up the Mr. Rogers sweater.  Training
with King Friday, advice from Wise Owl, hexes on opponents courtesy of Lady
Elaine Fairchild.  He's coming at you like David Lee Roth in 1984 (but with
the VH1 hair).

Sir Kenneth 25:1
The only man in the field who might be able to beat the Mecha-Porto with his
Filk Ray… but dear God, the collateral damage.  Opponents applying Zombie
Rule #1 will keep him out of the quarter finals this time.

Centurion Evangelos  25:1
Of all the entrants with power, Evangelos is packing the most punch.  If his
defense can be half as good as his offense he'll make the quarters.

HE Dafydd Whitaker 30:1
A bum foot hurts his odds but it is offset by the
honey-it's-the-only-thing-I-still-want-so-you-darned-well-better-GET-IT-for-me
factor.

Centurion Cathal 30:1
Cathal wants a hat.  Any hat will do, really.  Odds worsen if opponents toss
circlets around list field.

Centurion Louis 30:1
Smoking and age have toughened Louis' skin to a new level, allowing to shuck
some armor and move faster.

Sir Ulf 30:1
The hand injury lowers his odds and will keep Ulf out of the quarter
finals.  Lesson learned: don't reach for the last donut when JP is king and
you won't get bit.

Centurion Uther 30:1
Do not be surprised if his deceptively good offense will see Uther through
to the second round.

Wolf Waldenganger 40:1
The only living lefty in the list, Wolf makes it harder for higher ranking
fighters in Round 1.

Jean Marc of Trelac 40:1
His fighting style is so dangerous that one persona couldn't take it.

Sir John of Severn 50:1
Word on the street is that John is unleashing his new "Hello Kitty" fighting
style and WalMart is indeed sold out of pink duct tape.  He's good, but the
top echelon fighters are going to knock the cute little fuzzy ears off that
new helmet.

Sir Lochlain Dunn 50:1
Totally harmless.

HE Timotheus Kranididous 100:1
Obviously, this is the Year of the Undead Crown Entrant.  Opponents:
Remember Zombie Rule #1!