[Ansteorra] Honest Hanse's Odds for Crown

[Casey Weed]

News Flash: According to his own training camp, Duke Aaron is SCRATCHED due
to a neck injury.



On Sat, Jan 8, 2011 at 12:46 PM, LORD Hanse <lordhanse at gmail.com> wrote:

> Smuggled out of a Ravensfort cell to an old abandoned print shop in
> Middleford and secretly distributed at Steppes by street urchins...
>
>  Step right up, step right up!  Place your bets on which nerve-damaged club
> swinger will walk away with all the glory next week!
>
> The rules are simple:
>
>
>   1. Minimum bet is one chicken or six pints of good strong ale.  That
>   means the North may have to pool the resources of two or more baronies to
>   get in.
>   2. Hanse won't pay if somebody throws a fight... unless it's a duke.
>   Dukes get to throw any fight that might get them beat by a younger,
> faster
>   fighter and make them look bad.
>   3. Hanse pays good coin for any info that might affect the odds.  Tell me
>   in private because you might not be funny.  Ask your spouse if you're in
>   doubt on this one.
>   4. No getting your pretty pink bloomers in a sissy knot over someone
>   elses odds.  Or notes on their odds, for that matter (especially if
> you're a
>   don).  Shut up and bet.
>   5. It's totally okay to protest your own odds- I'll probably give you a
>   bump just because you had the stones to speak up.
>   6. Pay up by coronation.  I'm still owed a few chickens and some trim
>   from Ulsted XI or whatever it was.
>   7. I'll entertain any side bets- makes it to quarter finals, bludgeoned
>   witless in the first round, stalls with pretty but boring speech, etc.
>  You
>   propose it and I'll set the odds.
>
> So here we are, two weeks out...
>
>
> Sir Asaph Hearts 2:1
> The clear favorite for this tournament.  We received official notice he'll
> be fighting sans undies.  Can anyone face the WaffenFlash?
>
> HE Hraffn Olafson 3:1
> Burning with bloody viking lust to win this thing again with long, hard
> hours in the gym in preparation.  Hungry for it and nobody wants to stand
> in
> the way.  And Hraffn wants it almost as much.
>
> HG The Mecha-Porto 4:1
> Now with bionic back and LAZER Vision. Apparently, the Portuguese have a
> similar national distress call system to Japan during the Godzilla/Mothra
> era.  Could win but may destroy kingdom level feasts with "Supersonic Song
> Beams" if he gets off Monster Island
>
> HG Gunthar Jonson 7:1
> The Swedish Soprano has a good shot this time around but he really
> shouldn't
> have washed the shield in hot water.  Prediction: he'll be busier covering
> up on defense than a mermaid who's lost her bikini shells to a particularly
> rough wave.  Look out for range fighters.
>
> Sir Randall de Krieger 10:1
> The Steamroller is fighting for keeps and there's still only one way to
> beat
> him: walk backwards faster than he rolls and wait the 10 or 15 miles it
> takes him to run out of gas.  His odds improve the more people hit him; it
> confuses him into forgetting he's tired.  Apply Zombie Rule #2 liberally
> when attempting to finish him.
>
> HE Owen Ap Aethan 10:1
> HE is in the best shape of his life- no more pear; hellllloooooo APPLE!  As
> long as his opponents want to go guns to guns, Owen can win it… but will
> they?  No… some will be dumb and we'll pick them out of the elephants toes
> like slow natives.
>
> HE Romanius Scipio Vesperanius 12:1
> HE wants it, he's in pretty good shape, and he has a PU36 Space Modulator.
> Opponents may want to consider dropping an anvil or piano on him because
> he's very, very angry this time.  Look for fun-to-watch matches between
> Romanius and the Big Men- he may not win the tourney but he's known to be a
> giant slayer.
>
> HE Jean Paul de Sens 15:1
> No amount of FB posting on his fitness ventures will carry that extra 25lbs
> of donuts in this tourney.  Lesson: "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" added
> to feast basket next reign.
>
> HG Aaron MacGreggor 15:1
> Fencing more than practicing with the big boys, HG's point work will be
> sharp.  Word from the land of the paynims says that he won't be doing any
> "point work" for a while if he wins.
>
> Sir Ysfael Bryndu 20:1
> More creativity needed to make it all the way.  In three more tourneys
> he'll
> be ready for the finals but right now he's trying to get as seasoned as his
> armor looks.
>
> HG Kein McKewan 20:1
> HG is in better shape for this tournament; passed his driving exam eye
> test,
> remembers where he lives, but we're not certain how the Ensure logo will
> look on the shield now that he has a sponsor again.
>
> Sir Cameron 25:1
> Mr. Nice Guy?  No more- he's hanging up the Mr. Rogers sweater.  Training
> with King Friday, advice from Wise Owl, hexes on opponents courtesy of Lady
> Elaine Fairchild.  He's coming at you like David Lee Roth in 1984 (but with
> the VH1 hair).
>
> Sir Kenneth 25:1
> The only man in the field who might be able to beat the Mecha-Porto with
> his
> Filk Ray… but dear God, the collateral damage.  Opponents applying Zombie
> Rule #1 will keep him out of the quarter finals this time.
>
> Centurion Evangelos  25:1
> Of all the entrants with power, Evangelos is packing the most punch.  If
> his
> defense can be half as good as his offense he'll make the quarters.
>
> HE Dafydd Whitaker 30:1
> A bum foot hurts his odds but it is offset by the
>
> honey-it's-the-only-thing-I-still-want-so-you-darned-well-better-GET-IT-for-me
> factor.
>
> Centurion Cathal 30:1
> Cathal wants a hat.  Any hat will do, really.  Odds worsen if opponents
> toss
> circlets around list field.
>
> Centurion Louis 30:1
> Smoking and age have toughened Louis' skin to a new level, allowing to
> shuck
> some armor and move faster.
>
> Sir Ulf 30:1
> The hand injury lowers his odds and will keep Ulf out of the quarter
> finals.  Lesson learned: don't reach for the last donut when JP is king and
> you won't get bit.
>
> Centurion Uther 30:1
> Do not be surprised if his deceptively good offense will see Uther through
> to the second round.
>
> Wolf Waldenganger 40:1
> The only living lefty in the list, Wolf makes it harder for higher ranking
> fighters in Round 1.
>
> Jean Marc of Trelac 40:1
> His fighting style is so dangerous that one persona couldn't take it.
>
> Sir John of Severn 50:1
> Word on the street is that John is unleashing his new "Hello Kitty"
> fighting
> style and WalMart is indeed sold out of pink duct tape.  He's good, but the
> top echelon fighters are going to knock the cute little fuzzy ears off that
> new helmet.
>
> Sir Lochlain Dunn 50:1
> Totally harmless.
>
> HE Timotheus Kranididous 100:1
> Obviously, this is the Year of the Undead Crown Entrant.  Opponents:
> Remember Zombie Rule #1!
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