[Ansteorra] on leaving the SCA--

[Hugh & Belinda Niewoehner]

Our reasons.
>
>
> We attended our first local event in quite a while two weeks ago.  We 
> have drifted from the Society the past almost five years and in, all 
> honestly, will probably never be as active as before.  There is no 
> _/one/_ reason for this and our reasons are not necessarily anyone 
> else's.  To be honest the main purpose for our attending this last 
> event was more to introduce some 'newbies' who were curious about the 
> SCA, not out of any true desire to go ourselves.  And yet it was 
> pleasant to see old friends and learn new things.  We just probably 
> would not have made the effort had we not made the obligation.
>
>
> The SCA was a very important part of our lives at one time. We met and 
> were married in the SCA twenty four years ago last month.  We have 
> both held offices and been given recognition (usually more than we 
> felt we deserved).  So lack of involvement or appreciation were not 
> the contributing factors to our growing disinterest.  Some of the 
> reasons we do share with others:
>
> 1.  Lack of theater, period feeling, etc.  More and more we would feel 
> as others have expressed that we were at a costume party with a bunch 
> of other 'good ol' boys and girls' and not at a medieval event.  No 
> one cared and often people would show up at Fighter's Practice, 
> Populace, etc. in modern clothes and we wouldn't even have a pretense 
> of trying to be period.  All the other cell phone and cooler issues at 
> events  also take away from the feeling. And I admit I was taking 
> pictures of medieval instruments last week because no one else seemed 
> to be worried about covering their coke cans and such. But I should 
> have cared.  The SCA just seems to be a place for friends to gather 
> and catch up on mundane life, which I agree can be great too.  I just 
> wish we could also have the atmosphere and persona play that many of 
> us claim to want.  Many have suggested we have 'magic encampments'. 
> etc.  We have tried.  We set up our camp and invited all to come and 
> do persona play or just tell us about themselves.  We had two takers 
> and they just came to learn about others because they hadn't developed 
> personas yet.  I was thrilled they came, but it was sad that they had 
> to be bored with /our/ stories again.  Even at Lilies the Enchantment 
> camping ground, though looking great, was full of modern people and 
> discussions.  Fine, so there aren't magic moments as often as I like, 
> we still found ways to have fun.  I, too, miss the campfires and songs.
>
> 2.  Change in attitude of local group (maybe all society). Northkeep 
> used to have fun.  Now everything seems to be geared toward career 
> advancement.  Fighters' practice is where it first appeared 
> noticeable  to us.  There became two different fighter 
> practices--Saturday at the park for the general fighter types and if 
> you were serious, Wednesday for the white belts in training.  
> Eventually, the Saturday group diminished to no one.  Things have kind 
> of gravitated back to a 'general' fighting group again on Wed night, 
> but for a while there was even some contention among the fighters as 
> several expressed unhappiness at the distractions brought by non 
> serious fighters and attending populace.  Fighting is definitely not 
> the only area where career advancement is given high priority.  Many 
> times I have heard people complain they have to journey to the far 
> reaches of the Kingdom to an event they do not want to attend, because 
> a Peer has told them they 'need' to be there.  How fun is that?  
> Again, there is nothing wrong with any of this, it's just not what we 
> want out of our experience.  Doing something for the joy of doing it, 
> not because it will get us some title is fun!  I remember feeling 
> sorry when I was talking to a relatively new person who was lamenting 
> she had no talent and was never going to be anyone.  "I need to find 
> something I'm good at, so I can become a Laurel," she told me.  Why?  
> Because everyone at that time seemed to be doing that.  The air seemed 
> to be thick with ambition and competiveness (individually and between 
> groups)--and the politics that these bring.  No one just wanted to 
> have fun anymore.   But the shift in attitude has paid off.  We now 
> boast several Knights, Laurels and Pelicans.  I'm happy for them.  And 
> the brass can be blinding at our events.  But I miss the relaxed 
> atmosphere and fun of the Shire.
> t
> 3.  Hurt feelings.  I am truly sorrowed at the stories of people who 
> have been hurt by unkind actions or words and have left or are leaving 
> the SCA because of it.  Our 'hurt' was sort of our 'own fault' and I 
> warn anyone with sensitive feelings to think long and hard before 
> considering what we did.  We thought we were tough and could handle 
> anything. We were wrong. At the encouragement of others, we were crazy 
> enough to think we could serve our Barony as Coronets.  We were warned 
> that things would happen in the process to hurt our feelings, and, of 
> course, they did.  Feelings of betrayal, finding ouyou have enemies 
> you didn't realize you had, etc. take a toll on anyone.  Yes, we were 
> truly hurt by some things that were said and done, but it is _not_ the 
> reason we have drifted away.  The main reason we don't participate as 
> much anymore and probably the most likely reason most people leave is 
> point number 4.  The other points, however, contribute to our never 
> seriously making the effort to get involved again.
>
> 4.  Mundane obligations and/or gas prices.  With the economy such that 
> many have started new jobs with little or no vacation time, it is 
> difficult to attend non local events. Some may be working unusual 
> shifts, leaving no evenings or weekends free for local activities and 
> events. Many have had their incomes drastically reduced.  Others are 
> spending all their time in search of new employment.  These are 
> realities that no policy changes in the SCA can have bearing upon.  As 
> has been noted, many who joined as young single people now have family 
> obligations--children's activities, elderly parents, etc.  Many have 
> their own health issues.  We ceased participating when our own  life 
> issues became too much to deal with.  Since then we have found other 
> interests and /obligations /outside the SCA.  Do we still care about 
> people in the Society?  Of course.  We still monitor activities on 
> lists and, in truth, see too much of the modern world invading. When 
> people are attacked for suggesting a 'slave auction' as a fund raiser 
> or using the word 'nazi' in a Seinfeld-esk "soup nazi" connotation, I 
> just sigh.  Are we truly that sensitive and ready to see evil in 
> others?  Does political correctness ever take a break?  If I disagree 
> about the 'periodness' of a certain policy change does that make me 
> fair game for attack? When people make the effort to overcome Life's 
> problems to be a part of us, let's make sure their experience is 
> welcoming, encouraging and worth their effort. The SCA has always 
> welcomed people of all sizes, races, and creeds with no judgement.  As 
> my husband points out:
>

> For decades the SCA was a welcoming home to those who were somewhat 
> outside the societal norm.  Mis-fits, geeks, whatever,  people could 
> find acceptance in the SCA they didn't find in the real world.  Now 
> that almost anything is acceptable in "normal" society they don't need 
> their SCA acceptance anymore.
>

>
> We need to make sure this is still a haven where one can exchange 
> ideas freely without fear of harsh critism or personal attack.  Assume 
> everyone has the best of intentions. Don't always be looking for an 
> excuse to be hurt or offended.  At the same time, always try to behave 
> in a courteous manner no matter your rank.  That's the least we could 
> hope from a society that is supposed to be founded on the ideals of 
> chivalry.
>

In that spirit, I truly hope I have not offended anyone.  It was never 
my intentions.  And I apologize that my formatting seems to be having 
issues.

Ismet--Member for around 25 years, now fringe player, at best

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