[Ansteorra] Isabeau...Re: Newbies

[willowdewisp at juno.com]

Dear Isabeau<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
I believe you were very brave to speak up. More often people keep quiet and then go away. There is a feeling that if no one is talking then everything is alright, but that is wrong. Too many people are just voting with their feet. 
After the Crowns presentation which showed that we have a problem I was going around trying to get people to understand that we the people need to fix this. I found most people polarize into two camps. One is happy with the system as it is and feels that the Crown is just crying "the sky is falling". Some people say that this has been discussed for the last 10 years and nothing has come of it. They don't really think that it has anything to do with our actions, or kingdom or SCA policies. 
The other group of people were saying that they were going to walk and that will prove to the other people that everything is not OK. The folks that are walking do not plan to tell anyone why they are going away because that would be political and heaven forbid we do anything to correct situations because that is politics. 
You, on the other hand spoke out and in turn you hopefully will have a long and fun SCA experience. It would have been wonderful if those hundreds and hundreds of people who have left in the recent past had spoken up and braved the hurt feelings and guilt attacks. Maybe if those people had spoken up we would had changed and they would be still here for us to play with. 
Our King and Queen have shown us that there is a problem and we do not want to hear that in our groups there are people who want to stay in the SCA but they just can't find a niche and people just don't seem to want them. 
I suspect that their Majesties are or will be after they step down under attack because people would rather kill the messenger than deal with the problems. This has happened over and over in Ansteorra but in the past everyone was willing to put feelings asides and admit that we had problems and then allow the people who cared to work on the problems. Your statement showed that there really is a problem. We really need people to voice their feelings so everyone can see that trends of the last 10 years are hurting us as a mult-layer group. What has been happening is the people just left saying something pleasant or nothing at all and people have explained their leaving by raising gas prices. 
I learned something back in the days of the Inquiry.                                                                                                                       If you are totally comfortable in a social situation then you are probably suppressing someone and making them unhappy. Groups of mixed interest always have to compromise and if you are compromising you are not totally comfortable. It is time for us to look around and see that your comfort makes it hard to new people to find their place and do their thing. 
If we cannot give people a place to experience and grow then we will not recruit them or keep them. Many of you do not think of yourselves as cold or rude, but as a person who has lost most of my contacts and I don't have that many people close to me now I find many people in the SCA not friendly. They will not make eye contact or smile if you try to make eye contact and bunch their shoulders if you come near. I thought it was because of me, but after watching event after event I see it all the time. This kind of body language really makes people feel unwanted. 
If you see someone who you don't know, greet them and let them into your circle of conversation. Bring your art or books and current great finds or games and interact with people. Try to teach someone something. Reach out of your bubble and try and interact with them. Fine out what they are interested in and introduce them to someone with the same interest. Weave people into social interaction. You do not have to make them part of your group, but try to find them someone to talk to. Make sure your group has things that are public and interactive that would be icebreakers. Have things of interest for people to watch. Have projects that have room to include one or two people. Making something for the group is always great. That will get them a chance to know you and you them. 
If you are the kind of person who finds this very hard then encourage the behavior in others. Remember if they are taking the time to teach or talk with new people and strangers then they are not doing what they want to do.  The will need some pats on the head and a treat or they will stop. It was the leaders stopping encouraging those people who took those role that led to so many of them leaving. 
Make room and interact and include. 
Duchess Willow de Wisp
 
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