[Ansteorra] Hanse consults the Oracle regarding Crown Odds

[tinabetta via Ansteorra]

Oh dearest Hanse,

My lord Centurion Sarran the Traveler will be competing.  Does your crystal ball say anything about his chances?

Lady Augustina Elizabetta da San Germano


Sent via my fancy phone

-------- Original message --------
From: Casey Weed via Ansteorra <ansteorra at lists.ansteorra.org> 
Date: 07/10/2014  6:32 AM  (GMT-06:00) 
To: "Kingdom of Ansteorra - SCA, Inc." <ansteorra at lists.ansteorra.org> 
Subject: [Ansteorra] Hanse consults the Oracle regarding Crown Odds 
 
Well, it's down to the wire and old Hanse has failed to acquire 'the List'
this time around so I'll sum up my predictions as narrative:

Duke Lochlain wins the tourney after lengthy and tenacious bouts with
Ragnar, and/or Cathal, wherein the onlookers are subjected to an epic
staredown sponsored by Visine.  Match lasts 50 minutes and one consort
actually chews through the sleeve of her dress.  (no names, but it does
rhyme with "Her Sexilency, Ho Shells That Crawl and You Can Rent Me)

Crippen hits an opponent so hard in the butt that his anus actually jumps
over his bladder, internally, leaving him looking like a balloon animal
with a pink tail. Crippen gives opponent 'Kiss of Death' with added flair
of Helium voice version of Freebird intro.

Sir Daniel enters list to Bohemian Rhapsody.  Ejected for stalling (B.H.
runs 5:55)

Royals lunch includes 'fancy mushrooms'.  Sven streaks the list field to
Antigone's chagrin.

Eber challenges opponent to 'sword and fork' eating contest.  Wins bout by
8 schnitzels.  Germany's coach furious but Brazil's ego salved.

More predictions later.  Sorry, no odds this time around.

Yours,

LORD Hanse Kleermaker
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