[Ansteorra-rapier] Oh the humanity!! (long rant)

[joe rummel]

Well, the swords were cool.

After an evening and half a day of thinking about it,
that is the only good thing I can say about "The
Musketeer".

I went to a screening last night, not high hopes, but
with some expectations.  I knew that the fighting,
Hong Kong inspired wire-style, was going to be weird
and I knew the story was different, but I still had
not made up my mind to not like the film.  Basically,
I knew it would not be as good as the 1973 Richard
Lester films (3 and 4 Musketeers) and was hoping it
was better than the Chris O'Donnell/Disney version
from a couple years ago.

I don't know if I can describe how bad this movie is.
I can't say that the "fill in the blank" is bad and
that is why I didn't like it.  Everything is awful.
The acting, the editing, the music, the credits (the
worst I've ever seen.  When the opening credits make
this bad of an impression it is a sign of things to
come.), the fighting, the characters.  Did I say
everything sucks.

On the fighting.  I didn't like the idea of using the
wire-style/Hong Kong action for a 17th Century movie,
but I figured I'd put up with something different.
The problem is that all of the editing and lighting
during the fight scenes is so bad that you can't
really see anything.  It is virtually impossible to
follow the fights from one point to another.  The also
used speeded up film to make the action faster and it
just looked bad.  I think the fight director (Xin-Zee
Xiong) is very good, but not in this film.  Go and
watch "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" instead.

The costumes.  Everyone in period was dirty and greasy
all the time.  Except the hero and the pretty girl.
D'Artangnan is supposed to arrive in Paris in 1624,
but this movie looks to be set in around 1650-1660.
The costumes were not the worst thing about the movie,
they just weren't impressive or inspirering.  If I
come out of a period film not wanting to make new
clothes, it is not a good sign.

The story.  Other than the fact that some of the names
are the same, this movie has NOTHING to do with
anything that Dumas ever wrote.  It has NOTHING to do
with anything that happened in French history.  The
characters are D'artagnan, the Musketeers (Athos,
Porthos and Aramis - they have no characters and are
basically interchangeable), Febre (the villain - he
wears all black after all) and the cute girl.

What else is there to say.  It's not even bad in a
funny way.  It's just a train wreck from beginning to
end.

Well, the swords were cool.

Ranting, I know.
Benedict Ashton



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