[Bards] Serena's silly poem

[Marie Adams]

Hi everyone, just got back from Samhain where I recited a very silly poem
that I and some friends wrote, called "Oh, the Places We'll Loot!" in the
style of Dr. Seuss. I thought I'd post it to the list and see what
everyone here thinks of it. It's not supposed to be very period, just
hopefully make you laugh. I hope you like it!
Thanks to HE Robert and my husband Istvan for the help, and to Ulf for
creating the Dr. Seuss bardic genre in the first place.

"Oh, the Places We'll Loot!" or "One Pict, Two Pict, Bare-Tushed Blue
Pict"

Early last Tuesday while walking about,
A dragon-ship sailed up and gave me a shout.
They rowed to the shore, and they said "Hop on in!"
So I boarded that ship full of fierce Viking men.
And they said---"Oh, the places we'll loot! Oh, what fun we will see
As we pillage the shires and great baronies.
We'll lay waste to the Wastelands! Steal the nam's from Namron!
But we won't moon Mooneschadowe, 'cause that would be wrong."

At first all we did was too Sail Sail Sail Sail!
And hope that we did not run into a gale.
First we sailed north, and then we sailed south;
Then the steersman got lost, so we sailed all about.
Then we ran out of wind, so we brought our oars out;
Up and down through the waves, back and forth, in and out.
We rowed near the shore, and we rowed in the deep,
'Till we noticed the steersman had fallen asleep.
Then I said to the captain, "Have you something to eat?"

"Something to eat? Why, of course, my good lad!
What kind of fish will you have?" Captain said.
"One fish or two fish? Red fish or blue fish?
We've big fish and small fish; short fish and tall fish.
Fish on a hook, and fish in a net.
Fish that I won from old Sven on a bet.
There's old fish and new fish; catfish and screwfish.
Broiled fish and boiled fish and fish-kabob stewfish.
We've fish in a bucket, and fish in a can.
We even have plenty of ludfish-k and yams!"

"I think I'll have fish in a can, please," I said.
So he took off the lid---and we saw a blue head!
Then two huge Picts jumped out. They said, "Look here, you two!
You surrender this ship, or we'll kill the whole crew!"
(The Picts hate the Vikings, and all the Norse kingdom.
Now, please don't ask why; no one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that their torcs were too tight.
It could be their wode wasn't put on just right.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that their lands were two sizes too small!)

Well, the captain and I did not know what to do.
At first, we ran away from Pict One and Pict Two.
They chased us down the poop deck and 'round the masthead;
Then below to crew quarters and across all the beds.
Then down into the galley, but with no time to snack;
We found some swords down there and chased them right back!

When they got to the deck, their blue faces turned pale.
They saw that their plan to take over, did fail.
The whole crew of Berserkers was right there to meet them.
With weapons in hand, they were ready to beat them!
There were polearms, war-hammers, and axes galore;
Greatswords, and halberds, and knives by the score!
Their leader was Magnus, the Fearsomely Fierce,
And his cry split the air with a terrible pierce.
As he chopped off their heads with the axe in his hand,
He said, "I do not like Blue Picts in Cans!"

As they threw those blue devils overboard in the deep,
I dropped to the deck with a sigh of relief.
Then I said to the captain, "No more 'fish' in cans!
How about we have some nice ludfish-k and yams?"

Then the places we looted! The fun we did see
As we pillaged the shires and great baronies.
We laid waste to the Wastelands! Stole the nam's from Namron!
But did not moon Mooneschadowe, 'cause that would be wrong.

The End

by Lady Serena Dominicci