[Bards] The Flash Flood

[ML]

Thank you for the suggestion on the title.  I believe
I will use it.

I, too, wasn't happy with "cumulo-nimbus", but
couldn't think of a shorter way to describe those big,
puffy clouds that stack up real tall and get real dark
and look kind of scary.... But I'll work on it some
more.

I searched the thesaurus, and didn't have much luck
finding a substitute for "batter", but maybe something
will come to me.

This: "teems out of its banks" is a good change, I
like it.  Thanks for the suggestion.  I actually liked
the word "teems", though, because it conveyed to me a
sense of speed.  "Rushes" has a syllable too many, and
I thought "run" too often used when describing a
river.

I learn a lot everytime I post here.

Thanks again,
Madelina

--- Samuel E Orton <iainmacc at juno.com> wrote:
> 	Not typical, true. But excellent, I thought.
> Anyway, for
> constructive criticism....
> 
> >
> >The Flash Flood by Lady Madelina de Lindesay
> 
> 	I think it would do just as well, perhaps better,
> just as "Flash
> Flood".
> 
> >
> >In the high summer, when the drought begins, and
big cumulo-nimbus clouds roll in, and all in a flash,
the lightning sparks bright, the brisk winds pick up,
then just before night, the warm rain comes down.
> 
> 	I would try to find some other way to say this than
> "cumulo-nimbus". It just seems clumsy to me.
> 
> ---------
> 
> >
> 
> >Now coming harder, the pattering drops make mud of
> >dust, and batter down the crops.
> >First rills to creeks, and then to streams growing,
> >the wild river fills, then overflowing,
> >it teems out its banks.
> 
> 	Batter down... "batter" has the emphasis on the
> wrong syllable to
> properly fit the meter... hmmm...
> 	Also, I think I'd lose the "it" in the last line
> and gain an
> "of", so it reads, "teems out of its banks". Or
> perhaps, "runs over its
> banks". "Teems" is kind of a strange sounding word,
> it doesn't seem to
> work well there, although I couldn't tell you why I
> think so.
> 
> ------------
> 
> >
> >I'll bake bricks of the mud, build a keep strong,
> and
> >that's where I'll rest and know I belong.
> >For after a flood, the silted land grows.  I may
> cry
> >at night, when the wind blows, but...
> >I'll listen for thunder.
> 
> 	I do LOVE the way it ends, though...
> 
> 
> 			In Joyful Service,
> 
> 				Iain MacCrimmon

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