[Bards] gloom and doom
Brian & Pam Martin
twinoak at cox-internet.com
Wed Jan 14 14:54:41 PST 2004
Really? That line seemed okay to me. The poem makes me want to put ash in my
hair and beat my breast, wait a minute, I don't have any hair. Well, you get
the idea. :)
From: bards-bounces at ansteorra.org [mailto:bards-bounces at ansteorra.org] On
Behalf Of Cathy Polakoff
Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 11:19 AM
To: Ansteorran Bardic list
Subject: Re: [Bards] gloom and doom
Technical note - the third line from the end needs a little tweaking, I
think, in meter.
General impression - WOW!!! That is truly moving.
At 05:08 PM 01/14/2004 +0100, you wrote:
>My latest sonnet is a bit gloomy and doomy, but it's probably one of my
>most personal pieces, and as a result, probably one of my best to date.
>Comments/Criticisms are always welcome. I'm still just a baby bard, so
>I'm keen on learning. ;)
>The sun still shines but I see not the light,
>Nor can I feel its warmth upon my face.
>Adrift upon a sea of endless night,
>Through shattered dreams my mind cannot erase.
>When I first met my love beside the lake
>I found in her the words to my heart's song.
>Entwined as one, such music did we make,
>But scarce a year had passed and she was gone.
>Now left to walk alone upon the field,
>I cut the flowers down that cross my path.
>The lily and the rose alike do yield,
>Let Venus suffer from my cold heart's wrath.
>Come swiftly shadows now to hide my pain,
>For I shall never see her face again.
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