[Bards] A new song

[John Hirling]

Great lyric.  I sang it to Sweet Betsey from Pike.  It lost something :)
~ihon

On 3/26/07, Alden Drake <alden_drake at sbcglobal.net> wrote:
>
> Greetings fellow bards,
> So my dearest teacher charged me to write a "death, doom, and gloom" type
> song.  I don't sing to many of these, so it has been quite a
> challenge.  Some time before she gave me this task, a group in Ansteorra
> held an event themed "Bad Girls of History".  Mea and I began looking up
> historic bad girls for their bardic competition (she went, I didn't), and we
> came across Elizabeth Bathory (the Bloody Countess).  We both went, "OOOOH!"
> and kinda filed that name away.  So when Eleanor charged me to write "death,
> doom, and gloom", I pulled that name back out of the file.  I haven't
> arranged the music yet, so these lyrics may change a bit more, but I wanted
> to share with y'all my first pass.  The chorus is meant to be a bit of
> audience participation - young ladies present at the venue should be
> encouraged to follow the instructions.
>
> Oh, I'll warn those of you with delicate sensibilities...it might be a bit
> graphic for your taste.
>
> Cheers,
> Alden
>
>
> THE BLOODY COUNTESS
> By Alden Drake
>
> Come gather around me, young ladies so fair
> And listen and learn from this song that I share,
> For if you would grow to be ladies refined,
> This lesson, I charge you, keep well in your mind.
>
> In far off Carpathia, high in the hills,
> The Lady of Cachtice (CHAK-tee-tsay), known for her skills,
> Trains noble young women on how to comport;
> A Countess is she, and so well versed in Court.
>
> C: So stand up as straight as an arrow
> And curtsey with grace and with poise
> Then sit ye back down as I tell you
> The method the Countess employs.
>
> To start, she will teach you to stand and to glide,
> And light up a room with a delicate stride;
> A lady must dance like a leaf on the breeze;
> These basics she trusts you to learn with great ease.
>
> Barefooted you'll walk on an iron spiked bed
> Til you get it right she will force you to tread.
> Now, up and down, up and down, back and again,
> She coldly commands as you cry out in pain.
>
> Chorus
>
> A lady must speak with a delicate tongue,
> To sound in one's ear like a bell gently rung,
> And sing like an angel in heavens so blue;
> Such lessons the Countess will fair teach to you.
>
> With a pear she will open your mouth 'til it's wide
> And seek out thy tongue where it wants to abide.
> She'll sever it clean with a sinister grin,
> While blood pours out freely down over your chin
>
> Chorus
>
> A proper young woman must be finely groomed
> Well bath-ed and combed and then gently perfumed.
> Like a delicate rose she shall blossom so grand,
> As the Countess will show with a personal hand.
>
> O'er a fine bathing tub she will force you to swing
> As her dagger bites into your flesh with a sting
> And as the blood drips down your lily white feet
> She bathes with delight for your training's complete.
>
> Chorus
>
> So if you have yet to learn well of my tale,
> And grace and fine manners have yet to prevail,
> Then unto the mothers and fathers hereby,
> For a crown and your daughter, the Countess will try.
>
> To Cachtice Castle this night shall I ride,
> With young noble ladies who failed to abide
> To the words of this story that you heard this night
> And the Countess shall punish them all with delight.
>
> Chorus
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-- 
Rev. John F. Hirling
Interim Pastor
First Presbyterian Church
Angleton, TX 77515
(979) 849-5722
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