[Bards] Mede (Mead) of Honor

[Catrin ferch Maelgwn]

Master Cadfan,

You have given me much to think upon, and my answer now is bound to be
neither altogether wise nor altogether sound (for heaven knows my mind
itself is neither).  Yet I feel I must give answer, now, having ventured a
weightier thing than I realized I was doing at the time.  And I can only
answer with what I myself believe, which amounts to very little in this
discussion.

But I believe that when a child does well, he should be praised, and
highly.  I believe that when a child makes a mistake, he should be led
aright again, carefully and lovingly and without shame.  I do not believe
that the inevitability of a future mistake negates the importance of
rewarding present goodness.  In this, at least, I feel children and adults
*should* be treated equally.

You would not withhold an award from a young fighter simply because you know
that, in the years to come, he will not *always* live up to the tenets of
his order.  There is an unspoken understanding that he will stumble, and
that any reasonable person will think no less of him for it, so long as he
acknowledges his mistakes and makes an effort to right them.  The danger is
not in praising the child; the danger is in heaping unrealistic expectations
upon one's praise.

For my part, I am in no place to set standards of behavior for anyone: man,
woman, or child.  Nor would I ever expect a child to purport himself with
the same good judgment, and benefit of experience, as an adult.  Yet I
believe that, once a child is old enough to understand what adult standards
of conduct are--and therefore to be affected by their existence in his
life--he is old enough to begin holding himself to his *own* standards.  And
I believe that a child, just like anyone else, will tend to rise to the
occasion when praised for what he does well.

If there is duty to be had, it lies not with the child, but with his
elders.  We have a duty to encourage without pushing, to guide without
stifling, and to praise without insisting that every attempt be perfect.  I
hope, then, that my praise was not too great--yet I would be more regretful
if I found it was too little.

Respectfully,
Catrin ferch Maelgwn




On Thu, May 29, 2008 at 6:54 PM, Peter Schorn <peterschorn at pdq.net> wrote:

> Lady Catrin,
>
> Your poem in praise of Morgan is well-done: a good thing with a good
> purpose.
>
> Since it is a worthy thing, I would use it as a point of departure for
> what I think would be a worthy discussion, which is this:
>
> How much praise is it fair to give a child?  Fair to the child, I mean.
> For praise is not merely a reward but a charge of duty, and it is unfair
> to give a child the duties of an adult.
>
> To be publicly held to adult standards of conduct is perilous for
> someone still in a state of childhood.  For this state is one of
> learning, and therefore one of potential failure--of far more potential
> than adulthood, for failure is attendant upon learning: you learn from
> your mistakes.  But adults should not make the mistakes of childhood:
> theirs is a sterner standard, with greater reward attendant upon
> success, and greater penalty upon failure.  All our laws and morals
> acknowledge this.
>
> When Setanta undertook to replace the guardianship of the Hound of
> Cuhlain with his own body, he crossed over the line from childhood to
> adulthood and was thus awarded an adult name: Cuchulain.  From then on
> he was judged as an adult--a judgment he lived up to.  But he had
> already proven himself in a matter of life and death, and even then his
> advancement to adulthood was exceptional and fraught.  And never forget
> how he died, and died young, living up to the praise that was sung of
> him.
>
> I suggest no answer to my question, for I have none.  I wish to hear the
> opinions of my fellow-bards and other good gentles.  I know that
> children must be held to proper standards, but which are rightfully
> high, and which unrightfully so?  This is a fit matter for the singers
> of praise to consider and discuss.
>
> --Cadfan ap Morgan Godrudd
> Pencerdd o Ansteorra (ret.)
>
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