[Bordermarch] Picnic

[Lathrop, Dave]

Greetings Bordermarch,


Our picnic in Roger's Park last Saturday was windy. Since it rained the previous night, the ground was soaked. We approached the park and HE Elisabeth bolted from the truck before I was stopped in the parking lot. She commandeered the only covered pavilion on site. She staked her claim by hanging some banners and prostrating herself on the picnic table under the pavilion. I brought the grill over and plopped it down in a convenient spot  that would allow the wind to catch it and blow it across the park. As we were setting things up we noticed a group of ladies a mere 50 feet away practicing yoga. They had their special blankies spread out on the concrete, and were seen sticking their butts way up in the air while planting their faces into the concrete. They kept chanting something that sounded like a  waterfall or the jungle noises coming from their boom-box.
I watched them until HE Elisabeth slapped me in the back of my head. She told me to go get the tables and chairs, the charcoal, the groceries, some more banners, the lighter, some tablecloths, some duct tape, and any safety pins I happened to find in the truck.
The banners HE Elisabeth tied off were being whipped into knots by the wind so I took one and tied it to a high tree branch near my BBQ pit. It looked great and fluttered in the fierce breezes with no problem; that wasn't good enough for Elisabeth, she wanted it in the pavilion so it would dangle down and snap one in the head while eating food. Lord Zane was spied later that day slapping uncontrollably at his head; the above said banner kept skipping lightly over his noggin while he shared some stories with Lord Adolf and myself. He must have though it to be a bug, but he wouldn't look up to see what it really was. Thank God Lord Adolf informed him that it was only a banner touching his head or else Lord Zane would have surely lost his mind to the imaginary bug. Not to be out-done by Lord Adolf, Lord Zane shot back, "At least I have an early warning system on my head!" No doubt referring to his short cropped hair, and Lord Adolf's lack of it. (Lack of scientific evidence does not prove the a existence of a lack.) Lord Zane seemed funny to me that day.
Everyone finally showed up and immediately started to ask, "Is the pit ready?" I informed them I had not even lit it yet; they were disturbed by my information.
Lady Catalina emerged from the rest rooms, me thinks she was trolling again, with a brand new hair-do. I complemented her on finding a hairdresser who was willing to give her the wind-blown special, and tangle her hair into so many knots. She also parked about as far away as one could from the pavilion. I must admit, she did bring some mighty fine looking home-made burgers. Lord Adolf parked right next to Lady Catalina, almost as far as one could park from the pavilion. He was with his ever-so lovely wifey Lady Colecte, and little baby Abby. He brought an antique gas grill, but was a bit reluctant to unload it. It seems the last one he had fell off his tailgate and shattered. Sir Simonn and Countess Mistress Tessa arrived, and didn't they look smashing with Sir Simonn walking straight and tall while Countess Tessa sported a navy blue walking cast as big as a butter churn on her leg. She needs the cast due to her recent accident on the way to an out of town event. She also had a matching crutch that needed some adjustment. The crutch was a little short, and it's use made her resemble the Hunch Back of north-end Beaumont. The good news is the crutch was adjusted, and Countess Tessa now walks with all her normal grace and beauty. Lady Padraigin's arrival was fashionably late. She must have stayed up late fixing her famous dirty rice dish. Her hair dresser must be the same one Lady Catalina uses. M'lord Justin and the love of his life showed up just in time to carry Lady Catalina's cooler from her car, lucky them. Lord John the Sterling arrived with his camera clicking, we should find some pictures of the picnic somewhere, sometime.
"Is the pit ready yet?" was filling my ears. I felt like a bird approaching the nest with all the baby birds necks stretched out, beaks wide open, waiting for me to feed them. I finally told them the pit was ready, but nobody moved! Countess Tessa finally made a move and  handed me her chicken. It seems Lord Zane and Sir Simonn were busy discussing battle tactics with m'lord Josh. I threw the traditional links on the pit to bless it,  and proceeded to grill for the masses. I conned Lord Adolf into unpacking his gas grill and propane bottle so he could help with the cause. He took his time in preparing his gear for some grilling, and made fun of my old charcoal pit. When I lifted the lid to show off the golden chicken and sizzling links that graced the pit he just laughed and said, "Is that all you've cooked so far?" I closed the lid and proceeded to gather up the rest of the links, the boudain, and the burgers to throw them on the pit. I glanced at Lord Adolf's grill and saw that it was loaded down with at least six hot dogs. That might not sound like a lot of hot dogs on one gas grill, but they were the extra long hot dogs. It seems my " Little Pit that Could" put out all of the grilled meat except for six hot dogs, WOW!
Everyone ate their fill of meat and wonderful side dishes, then we all dived into the deserts. I was ready to pop when it was announced, "Time to go."
We packed up in record time. Some of the Ladies experienced visions of some sort of fabric sale at JoAnne's; they left in a hurry to get there before the store closed.
I made it home and rested for a few minutes then headed out to play a gig at Easy's, a night club in downtown Beaumont. It was a good gig from what I was told. I don't remember much after 2:00 am in the morning, but I did make it home safe.

HE Santiago