[Bordermarch] News and some more stuff of legends
Bill C Burgin
billcburgin at yahoo.com
Thu Aug 13 19:00:15 PDT 2009
I believe that the stunned silence which has so far greeted Your Excellency's riveting story speaks volumes...
It is my duty to advise...
Happiness is more than the absence of unhappiness
From: "Lathrop, Dave" <David.Lathrop at valero.com>
To: Barony Bordermarch <bordermarch at lists.ansteorra.org>
Sent: Thursday, August 13, 2009 1:07:28 PM
Subject: [Bordermarch] News and some more stuff of legends
Our friendly reporter contacted our group again and promised to be out tonight at fighter practice with a cameraman; the proof will be in the pudding.
There will be a Town Hall meeting at Rogers Park's community center tonight; Ted Poe as the guest speaker. It's scheduled to start around 7:00pm.
The parking might be a problem so get there early for fighter practice if you can.
We might have to revert back to our old spot near the playground due to the crowd.
Since I've been really busy at work, I've not had time to share any of the numerous visions I've had lately.
I did have another incident last weekend.
My daughter has procured an apartment closer to her work, and is finally in the last stages of moving out of our house. She was about to leave when I asked if she wanted to take our granddaughter Harley's swimming pool with her; she said no.
I decided to move the enormous pool from the front porch where it had occupied a spot for the last two months.
HE Elisabeth, my daughter, and her man watched as I struggled to lift the pool by myself, but none offered a helping hand!
"That's ok. I've got it" says I, knowing full well that the pool was going to tax even my great strength.
With said pool in hand , I struggled to the edge of the porch from where I promptly fell!
Did anyone come to my aid, Na-Boo, Na-Boo!!, of course not, they stood and basked in my pain!
Elisabeth is usually the first to break into laughter, but she realized that this time I might have suffered proper injury; she finally came to my side.
She asked in a hopeful like voice, "Are you hurt?", I told her through clenched teeth that I was fine; those reassuring words were enough to send her on her way.
I speculate that the fall was caused by a misstep on a hardened dirt clod, which forced my ankle to take control of my mind. It simply refused to endure further pain from being twisted beyond its threshold.
My great brain said, "Don't fall, whatever you do, don't fall!", but my ankle had control and collapsed my body like a house of sticks.
Once I was past the tipping angle of no return, my ankle relinquished its control of my motor functions back to my brain. I instantly analyzed my predicament and saw but one chance of surviving the fall with minimal collateral damage.
I was headed straight for Elisabeth's flower bed, and realized that it was full of rotting yet semi-soft mulch. It was also ringed with bricks that seemed to be pulling me towards their jagged edges.
The flower bed also had a fence of exposed chicken wire in the middle that supported a flower with the purported ability to eject its seeds with such force as to pop an eye out if one was unlucky. The chicken wire would inflict great damage to my body should I contacted it. I had one chance; avoid everything and aim for the mulch!
Due to the limited distances involved there wasn't time enough to perform my classic tuck-and-roll maneuver; furthermore, I had but one good foot from which I could get any kind of thrust to propel my body out of danger's reach.
I decided that I would utilize a diving technique familiar to me from my early years of jumping from train trestles. Although the technique does not receive accolades from the Olympic judging committee, it is a viable method of surviving a fatal fall.
This technique that probably saved my life is known as the " Belly Flop."
With a mighty heave, I pushed with my good foot and forced the rest of my body into a semi-flaccid state of being. I managed to achieve the proper distance and avoided the bricks. A last second adjustment to my glide path saw me miss the chicken wire by
a hair's breath.
I landed in the mulch with a great thud, and scattered much of it to the four winds. Although the shock of the belly flop was tremendous, I soon gathered myself into a kneeling position, and waited for help that wasn't coming.
There was a slight indent in the mulch where I landed, and one of Elisabeth's Golden Snap Hooties, sprouting in my landing zone, was unfortunately crushed flat.
All in all, it was a pretty spectacular fall from the porch, and my sore ankle will soon be back to normal.
During the fall the pool flew from my grasp and ended up where I had originally intended it to be, on the other side of my Lady's flower bed.
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