[Bordermarch] The 30th year adventure

[Lathrop, Dave]

Greetings Bordermarch,

I'd like to share a few of my observations acquired during our visit to Ansteorra's 30th yr Anniversary.


I now know what it takes to make one's teeth perspire.
Thanks to HE Amber Lea, I learned how to [bob] in the water.
Now, whenever I ask for fresh potted meat during High Court, I can rest assured that Lady Catalina will do her best to find some for me.
I know that Lord Chrestien Brule now wears his cup just over his sternum. He took too many repeated shots to that area during his multiple fights.
I have had the pleasure of witnessing a fine rendition of a pool-side "booty dance" by one of our own bathing suit clad ladies.
I went through the 4hr siege weapons authorization class and should be receiving certification soon. I'll be recruiting everyone.
I now know that just because you're wearing a $50.00 pair of Yellow Box flip-flops, you're not protected from stepping on a mess of dog-poo.
A plate of French fries is a heart attack waiting to happen, but a fully loaded baked potato is considered a health food.
Take the loops around the bigger cities whenever you can, it keeps one headed in the right direction.
I learned that I can't dress myself because my choice of matching colors seem to drastically conflict with my Love Muffin's outfits.
Sir Simonn has the same problem.
HE Dona Lea will use her grandchildren as an excuse to leave site, and go swimming every chance she gets.
HE Don Armand proved to all that he still possess his fighting skills, and his Lady, HE Caitrin de Lacy, lights up field-side with her mere presence.
I saw Lord Redman with hammer and anvil, he will no longer be able to resist the Obsession!
I cannot understand what the beautiful Lady Nora sees in Chrestien Brule.
Countess Mistress Tessa still carries a big stick in our Kingdom; with only a few words and much arm-waving she managed to get our BFT dismantled and packed for the trip home.
I know Lady Ivy has something she is hiding from all of us, and this thing is scribbled on ancient parchment. Perhaps she'll share her bardic piece with us---someday.
I still control the minds of several of our populace. I made them sit at site and make site tokens. I told them they could not take a break until they filled the basket with finished tokens. They mumbled something about sweat-shops.
Lady Paddy Wagon, HE Elisabeth, Lady Catalina, and Countess Tessa will talk during next populace about Peep-Holes.
I know that Sir Simonn can sleep anywhere, anytime. He proved it by sleeping at pool-side whilst the ladies were cackling like yard-hens during their memorable performance of a water-ballet; I never knew HE Elisabeth had so much talent!
I now know to keep well hydrated or I'll suffer cramps in the most unexpected parts of your body!
Our group might never be asked to sit Gate again; we have to much fun.
I learned that passion is purple, and can be bitter-sweet.
My previous predictions about riding with the ladies to site were partially correct; we did not stop at any Wal-Mart during the drive, but they did carry on a non-stop conversation for the entire 4hr trip.
We did go to Wal-Mart after arrival because HE Elisabeth decided we needed a 36 inch dowel. Since dowels were out of season, we bought a fancy curtain rod. We also bought tee-shirts, food, pants, books, the standard stuff you get        when you go shopping for a dowel.
I learned that Lady Padragin and Sir Simonn share the same birthday;  July 11th.  Although decades separate the year they were born in, one can instantly tell from their similar hairstyles that they are astrological twins.
We gave Lady Padragin and Sir Simonn each a fine hand-crafted balloon, and many expensive gifts during the surprise party we held for them. We also shared cake and ice-cream while HE Amber Lea sang a rendition of a Happy-Birthday.
Her rendition was absolutely the most depressing Happy-Birthday song I'd ever heard. HE Ihon of Stargate added another verse that almost pushed everyone into a state of suicidal tendencies.
Countess Tessa expressed her love for her old geezer, Sir Simonn, by using his balloon as a punching bag on the way out of the party.

I stood in line to get one of the Long-Ship Company's famous omelets, but became wobbly from the heat. I started whining to HE Elisabeth about not have anything to eat, and she simply ignored me. Just as I was about to pass out, an angel appeared with a tray loaded with ambrosia. She took pity on my withered state, and offered me some juicy sliced oranges, some crispy looking fresh split pickles, and some of those exotic Mediterranean black olives. I was overcome with emotion and grabbed a handful of the oranges. Evidently I grabbed to many because this angel, this blessing in the guise of a cornucopia of delights, this lady we all know as [Ivy] slapped my hand! She said the food was for the fighters and I was not to eat it all. I hung my head in shame while I gobbled down the oranges and distracted her by raising my left hand to the sky, swearing I meant no harm. When her eyes darted to my sky-high wiggling fingers I stole one of those crispy split pickles, and popped it into my mouth. She didn't seem to notice, and started to walk away. As she walked she turned and said "Enjoy the pickle, their sort of tart." I had the pickle stored in one of my cheeks so she wouldn't notice it, but when it rolled onto my tongue my eyes bulged! I was in the mist of people who are most proper so I couldn't spit it out, I had to eat it. The pickle was definitely crispy and tart; it tasted like it was full of a vinegar and salt brine. I was speechless for a moment then looked to HE Elisabeth for the smallest hint of pity; she had none to give. I ate the pickle.

I'd like to share one of HE Amber Lea's stories she blessed us with while we were all relaxing in the pool;
  [A short Indian named Shortcake, and his wife called Squaw] .....imagine if you will 45 minutes passing while HE Amber Lea waste our precious short time on this earth with the details of the story...... now the punch-line... [Squaw bury Shortcake] ..... The End!

One of Lady Padragin's stories;
 [Guy buys a talking caterpillar, and wants to take it to the park. He ask the caterpillar if it wants to go to the park. The caterpillar says, "I need to put my shoes on"]... The End!

One of HE Elisabeth's jokes;
[Ummm, I forgot the joke] .... The End!

Lady Catalina told no jokes, she just laughed at the others. Her laughter prompted the security camera at the pool to remain focused on her.

While in the pool, I practiced HE Amber Lea's "Water-Bobbing" as much as I could because it's such a neat trick.

Sir Simonn never got in the pool, word is, he doesn't like to get his head wet. Come to think about it, he never got in the pool at the pool party a couple weeks past; kind of makes me think about something.

We heard from Lord Adolf and family. Their having a wonderful time on the beach in Cancun. He told us this while we were still dripping wet from packing up the tents!

Oh my! .... I almost forgot to tell ya'll that Her Highness Gleann Abhann threw a gauntlet at me during Saturday evening's Grand Court. She threatened to wup me to a pulp and danced around like she's had some sort of boxing lessons.
His Highness Gleann Abhann vowed to be at BAM with plenty of support. All this because they somehow found out that I am planning on annexing one of Gleann Abhann's Shire's into our small humble barony.
I'll have to inform Nomis that their on to us!

HE Santiago