[Bordermarch] fighter practice

Lathrop, Dave David.Lathrop at valero.com
Fri Jun 19 11:29:31 PDT 2009

Greetings Bordermarch,

Our thanks go out to Duke Aaron Mac Gregor for finding time to visit with us at Thursday's fighter practice.
He did take the field for both heavy and light fighting, and unselfishly gave up some of his fighting secrets to all the fighters. He offered training tips and helped spark some interest about the SCA into some of the many visitors we had that evening.
I was a bit dismayed that none of the fine ladies that seemed to be everywhere, never offered to wipe my moistened brow, nor quench my parched throat with some of that fine cool liquid imbued with the slightly tart juice from the lemon globulet.

As Duke Aaron was suiting up, he looked me in the eye and queried as to the whereabouts of my armor. Since this man would no doubt be my King in the near future, I needed to think very fast. I finally spewed the same excuse I have used before, "I would be suited up, but--I'm taking a special medicine that prohibits me from receiving hard physical blows."  I thought I had him fooled until my confidant, my soul-mate, my "I gotchur back" wife,  HE Elisabeth, threw her arms on her hips, and gave me one of those chicken-head stare-downs. She was standing right next to me, but felt the need to shout out, "Youooo Doooo Not!"  Although it took her a good 30 seconds to utter those three words, I was patient. My chance for redemption came when my love-muffin took a breath. I spoke of the horrible debilitating bruising that surfaces immediately after I gear-up and fight. I then shared the epiphany I had after one such fight. " The bruises could only be caused by two things; lack of fighting prowess, or the Flintstone chewable vitamins I take"  I decided the culprit was the Flintstone vitamins. You might scoff at such a notion, but take a moment  and give thought to the real reason that prompted the SCA to an enforce age limits on young adults who want to actively participate in armored combat. Could it possibly be that most young adults use Flintstone vitamins?

HE Amber Lea, The Supreme Leader of our Bard's Guild, brought to practice not only her beautiful voice, but a whole troop of ladies whose combined harmonies wowed passers-by to take time to stay awhile and listen. The Bards always add some sorely needed class to fighter practices.

I walked into the tail end of a conversation between some of our ladies, and overheard them discussing the length of schlagers, blade weights, and rapier fighting tactics. It's great to see they are making a concerted effort to expand their knowledge concerning the martial arts in the SCA.

An 18" piece of rusted rebar was found on the fighter's field during practice; I shall add it to my collection.

Here's some valuable info from Lord Adolf the Bear: The only available source for man-hand sized cow-hide leather gloves, between Houston and The Golden Triangle is located in the Port Arthur Wal-Mart!

And finally; if you find yourself developing a Jimmy-Crack-Corn attitude about the SCA---reflect on the words of Saint Thomas the Glib, "There ain't no hair on a football."

Oh yes, I forgot; HE Elisabeth shall be out of town tomorrow.
                           Woe unto Me!!!
Her absence shall be like a spear that pierces my heart;

Oh fragile thumper
what ails thine so?
Elisabeth has left us
to putter to-and-fro.
Shall we boil a pot of giblets,
turn some corn and beef to hash?
Jellied toast seems so trite now,
perhaps some succotash?
Might shroom soup be the cure-all?
Split peas on fish sounds nice.
My tears would spoil a cheese ball
If is safe to suck on ice?
Tell me fragile thumper
Whatever shall we do?
I lament her ever leaving
She's broke my only you.

She did leave a nice handwritten list of goals that she thinks I should strive to accomplish this weekend. I say unto you, "Is she not the most wonderful of wonderfuls, the most thoughtful of thoughtfuls." I shall bury her list neath the virgin soil of Santiago's estate, and treasure said list always. I will certainly ponder upon her perfectly sensible list whilst I'm performing with "Ohnofatman the Band" at the Logon Café tomorrow night. Does it get any better than a loud guitar pumping out rock and blues? Since the gig is always grueling and taxes my stamina, I shall relax and meditate all day tomorrow.

HE Santiago

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