[Bordermarch] GWXVIII

[Lathrop, Dave]

Greetings Bordermarch,

With heads held high, we have returned from War!
Bordermarchers fought well and played hard. We shall return to war next year with anticipation and a fever for more of what we enjoyed at Gulf Wars XVIII.
There is not enough time to tell all of what happened at War, but we shall endeavor to share a few highlights.
Day 1 saw HE Elisabeth and me arrive on Saturday to help Baron Ihon of Stargate with Coastal land Stewarding. To our surprise, we were told that half of the land that Coastal usually occupies was lost to the Northern region. It seems that this year our pre-registered numbers were not enough to hold all of our land. HE Ihon and I staked out camping areas, allocating spaces according to the separate Coastal group's pre-registered numbers. It was a tight fit, but we made it work. Next year we want more pre-registrations so we can take back our land from the North. It rain most of the day, but the evening rain induced deep sleep.
The Bordermarch crew arrived on Sunday and had all their gear under cover before the rain started again. Due to the muddy condition of the fields and roads, parking was impossible. We had to leave our cars at camp for several days until the roads dried out.
Lord Elrique arrived Monday to participate in the first annual barbecue cook off, sponsored by Gleann Abhann. He set his cooker up near the castle and proceeded to torture all with his fantastic smelling brisket. Tuesday evening we had a chance to taste his brisket; it was worth the wait! Judging was performed, and I believe Lord Elric took second place! Vivat Lord Elrique!
Lord Adolf the Bear had a female warrior of some size fall and pin him and his leg to the ground. Unfortunately his leg was stuck on his butt cheek with the Lady on top, and as she slowly rolled to the side Lord Adolf's leg went with her. Just as his leg was about to break, Lord Adolf begged another dazed fighter to drag her off of him. The fighter obliged, and his leg, though sore, was ok. Lord Adolf took several hard shots to an already bruised rib during the chiv ravine battle. He had to sit out the rest of the fighting during the war due to a possibility that those shots cracked his rib. Sir Simonn damaged his thumb during the ravine battle, and will gladly show it off to any who are curious. Lord Zane, Lord Halvard, Lord Brand Eric, Lord Decimus, and Lady Paddy Wagon all survived with the normal cuts and bruises. Some of those bruises will keep several of our members from sitting for any great length of time.
Lady Padraigi donned her rapier gear and fought her first ever battle on Hastings field. She only died a couple of times and took out someone's arm in the process. She fought with Sir Simonn and Lord Zane in the rapier ravine battle. Ansteorra was all over that field during the fight and held the flags to win the points. We had the pleasure of watching Lady Colecte dance during a Middle Eastern dance exhibition. Her dance was refined and full of grace. I almost have HE Elisabeth talked into learning some Middle Eastern dances; just a little more time and we'll see her out there with the rest of them. The bakery drove us all insane with the smell of fresh baked yeast spewing forth to permeate the air. It drew us in like so many bugs swarming a bug zapper. The rain stopped on Wednesday, and that's when we finally had time to spend all of our money at the merchant's booths. I found some really nice Warthog tusks, and gladly threw down my coin to purchase them. I'll make something fantastic from them, but right now I don't have a clue what it will be. HE Elisabeth had me buy some wonderful pants that were a bit too long. When I strolled down the road wearing them, they hung off the back of my feet and scooped up what mud remained from the previous day's rain. She said she could fix that one minor flaw. Bordermarch's weapons master, Lord Zane, purchased more rattan and mass quantities of weapons grade foam. I expect to see some new weapons of fantastic design very soon. Lord Halvard dug a moat around his tent too ward the rain, but it failed!
He was soaked and has vowed to have a new Viking A-frame by next war.
I was viciously attacked by an assassin who was disguised to look like six year old, m'lord Carlos, son of Lord Adolf and Lady Colecte. The assassin was an expert swordsman, and only by the grace of God did I survive the flurry of cut and thrust blows. Though I was suffering from many near fatal wounds, I reached deep into the well-spring of my endless reserves, and was finally able to rip the sword from his grubby little hands. The assassin, realizing his plot had failed, turned like the coward he was and sprinted for cover in the alley-ways between the village tents. Since this assassin was surely one of the little people who are constantly irritating our Nomis, I had to stop his escape! With my remaining strength I lifted the bloody sword and threw it towards the assassin just as he passed from sight.  The blood trail we found was clear evidence that I had wounded the little beggar during his flight for freedom! I must admit that there is the smallest of chances that the blood trail we found was actually some of the ketchup Lord Decimus was dribbling all over site. The very same assassin returned to claim his sword, but Lord Brand Eric was there to stop his second escape. Lord Brand Eric did not fare as well as I,  and suffered a humiliating blow between the eyes. Lord Brand Eric is also sporting a massive bruise on his butt, and me thinks the assassin put there; Lord Brand Eric will not talk about it.
 Countess Mistress Tessa arrived late Wednesday and was pleasured to find her tent decorated to the nine by none other the Sir Simonn. By his unselfish act of decorating his love muffin's tent with his own two hands, he might as well have slapped the rest of the males in our village right in the face with a Good Housekeeping magazine! I personally enjoyed the early period gray plastic flooring in our tent. I complemented the flooring with slightly aged blue plastic storage tubs. The hand wrought foam mattresses that my lady and I slept on pulled the whole concept I had envisioned for out tent together. Mistress Tessa was so very pleased with her tent that she allowed Sir Simonn to stay out past dusk, and join us at fireside for some storytelling.
Lord Decimus accused Lord Brand Eric of stealing some of his vintage chocolate Pop-Tarts. A fight would a broken out if HE Elisabeth had not the good sense to give Lord Decimus one of my coveted Honey Buns. I had a full supply of Honey Buns during war, but I did not partake in the consumption of but one of those golden   rings of pleasure; they disappeared all by themselves, or did thy DECIMUS?
Lady Paddy Wack has found a wonderful way to ventilate a tent, BURN A HOLE IN IT!
All one needs to do is let something hot lean against the wall and poof, a window!
He Elisabeth went shopping during the hottest part of the day with Lady Colecte, and Lady Padraigi. We saw them returning with arm loads of fabric and gifts, HE Elisabeth was dragging and seemed on the verge of fainting due to the heat. I patted her head with moistened fingers, Lord Adolf poured some of his precious cold 1554 beer on the back of her neck, and the rest of our crew started chanting a healing prayer for her quick recovery; it was almost supper time. Our remedies for heat stroke did nothing to quench the fire that was consuming my Elisabeth. Thanks to the quick actions of our cool damp towel across the back lady, Countess Tessa, HE Elisabeth soon recovered enough to prepare my supper; Figgie pie.
The evenings were spent around our fire where we held impromptu story telling lessons. One evening we were blessed with drummers from far and wide joining us for a drum circle. Lady Colecte danced with many other dancers who heard the drums and came to join us in the firelight.
The assassin struck a second time as I was returning from my tent to join the drum circle. I didn't see from where it came, but a flaming spear in the form of a Tiki torch landed at my feet. I was in the darkest of shadows when my foot instinctively moved from harm's way as the spear pierced the earth with a thud!
"Good God!" I screamed, all the while flailing at the burning spear with unprotected hands. The metallurgy of the spear's shaft must have been ensorcelled during fabrication because when I kicked the flaming shaft of death with my foot it rebounded back and slapped me in the chest. My eyes were blinded by the flames and sparks that ensued. As a trained warrior, I fought the inferno with what is known as "mu-shin"; the unconscious movement of hands and feet in a life-or-death situation. Everything happened so fast that all but one person in the drum circle knew I was in danger; it was Lord Adolf. Though my arms were moving like a hurricane, and my legs were jumping up and down, keeping time with the drums and the flames were burning my flesh I had an inner vision of Lord Adolf sitting petrified on his stump. He knew I needed help, but fear grabbed his pitiful soul and locked his eyes wide open to witness my impending doom!
I had had enough of this assassin's games! With one hand I smashed the flaming spear neth my palm then locked eyes with Lord Adolf. Since I could see that he was caught in a loop of unending fear, I had to whisper the ancient incantation of release and throw it into his being with both arms. Upon his release, his eyes filled with tears as he cried and laughed at the same time. He was so grateful for his release from fear's prison that he could only utter gibberish. He tried to quell the stream of tears by forcing his sausage like fingers into his eyes. Finally composed enough to speak, he attempted to bless me for not succumbing to the flames and for saving his soul, the only thing he could utter was, "NEHHH?"
Everyone around the fire learned that a roll of toilet paper, preferable 3-ply, makes an excellent torch.
Lord Jessie, son of Lord Aaron and Lady Kemela, passed the secret his father had shared with him to us. It seems that if you wrap a roll of toilet paper with twine, then soak it real good in melted paraffin, then let it dry, then cut a tree branch not too long or not too short, then jam the twine wrapped, paraffin soaked, hardened toilet paper on it, you'll have yourself a dandy emergency torch that will last for hours and hours. I say's to Lord Jessie, "Lord Jessie, if you already have a knife to cut a branch, and you already have a block of paraffin to melt, and you're in an emergency, why don't you use the knife to cut the paraffin in half. Since everyone knows that two halves make a whole, you can now climb out the whole; no more emergency! He consulted with dad, but that was a dead end.
Between Lady Padraigi, and Lord Aaron's snoring I managed to get some good shut-eye, and feel well rested.
It was truly a great war spent with great friends. HE Elisabeth and I met many new folk that we can add to our list of friends. HE Elisabeth spent most of the trip back home talking plans to make a vardo or a yurt, or cooler boxes. Except for the roadside drama, that's another story, all went well and we arrived home about 10:00pm Sunday.

HE Santiago