[Bordermarch] The baron

[Lathrop, Dave]

My shirt had but a few pink vertical stripes set against a blend of pillow-soft white poly/cotton background material that sported small puffed-rice-like extrusions to accent the light grey trim.
Adorf; If you'd paid more attention to the shirt's details, you'd have noticed that the buttons were not made of the normal high density extruded polymer typically found on your store bought 'off-the-shelf' shirts. The buttons were made from virgin abalone shell recovered from the Spanish Galleon, Saint Loupe!

In the early years of the 14th century the spice trade was flourishing between the Middle East and Spain. Spain's expansionist mentality and seemingly endless resources only fueled the contention between itself and her European neighbors for dominance of not only the spice market, but the Button Cartel as well.    
It was the 12th of August in 1323, the deep cold waters off the coast of Portugal were blanketed with a heavy fog that witnesses recorded as "seemingly alive with phosphorescent particles of green sea spray." The Saint Loupe entered the fog on its return voyage from Bologna Italy where it had filled its cargo lockers with precious abalone shell, and sausage.

The fog also contained something else; the Spanish Armada!

The Armada was patrolling the waters due to recent threats from the French. When the Armada's Command heard the sound of the Saint Loupe's sails snapping in the fog, they mistook the Saint Loupe to be a French Man-of-War. They blindly fired their cannon through the fog and sent the Saint Loupe and all aboard to the bottom of the ocean!

The Saint Loupe's treasure was unattainable until the resent advent of deep-sea breathing apparatus developed by Jacques Yves Cousteau who is known to have said," From birth, man carries the weight of gravity on his shoulders. He is bolted to earth. But man has only to sink beneath the surface and he is free."

The Saint Loupe's treasure of abalone shell was recovered and parceled out to the few remaining families in Spain with vested interest in buttons. The designer who made my shirt obtained the virgin abalone buttons from one of these families. Engraved on the back of each button is a half submerged crow's nest that represents the Saint Loupe and her crew. 

Adolf; your 'self loathing' is quite evident by the way you were constantly touching and smelling my shirt!

As for Sir Simonn; last night he was evidently locked in his own private world tighter than a Dung Beatle in a frozen pile of pachyderm poo! This became evident when Lady Padraigin spouted out that she was going to change her device to some kind of monkey; thereby startling our precious Countess Tessa of the Gardens and causing her to inhale into her wind tube a bit of the pancake covered with butter, syrup and bacon that she was eating.

You were too busy popping and chirping about my shirt to notice that Sir Simonn, who was within arm's reach of his lovely wife, simply watch while  she choked and gagged on her pancake! When Countess Tessa finally turned blue and raised her arms up over her head the piece of pancake must have dislodged because she immediately returned to conversing with the Ladies.

Last night I thought it strange that none would come to my defense when during our Populace meeting you proclaimed yourself to be, "Adorf, Bordermarch's Best Ever Fashion Cop", and started attacking me and my choice of torso apparel. I thought that surely HE Elisabeth's newest Rapier Champion, Lord Zane, would help out, but he was only interested in the banana-nut bread that Lady Jillian the Thoughtful gifted our Populace with by way of M'Lord Thomas, her mate and courier.
While you were attacking me, Lord Zane relocated his chair right next to mine to have easy access at the loaf of banana-nut bread. When he thought I wasn't looking, fast as a snake he would flick out both arms and use one hand to steady the banana-nut loaf while the other hand ravaged it! He would rip out large portions of the moist, tender banana-nut bread from the center of the loaf and try to hide it from me, but I noticed that before he ate it, he seemed to fondle it just a bit.

The canister of imported Limited Edition Filled Pretzel Cubes that HE Elisabeth brought to populace last night was given to her by her father as an anniversary gift. She brought them to show everyone the really cool medieval looking wood-cut that was used to print the label, she did NOT mean for them to be eaten.
You and your son who never lies or cheats, Brand Eric, had more than half the canister of pretzels eaten before populace was over; HE Elisabeth was aghast!

When we all gathered after the meeting at IHOP, your son who never lies or cheats, ate just about all of Lord Zane's appetizer before his own plate of eight pancakes, 4 sausage patties and four eggs arrived. Lord Zane was too full of banana-nut bread to care. 
I realize that at only 16yrs of age your son who never lies or cheats has not been exposed to enough high fashion to have developed an unbiased opinion about my shirt so I would appreciate it if you'd tell him that when he stops wearing tee shirts with pictures of Michael Jackson on them I will start listening to what he has to say!
Also; please try to convince you son who never lies or cheats that Christopher Parkinson was not the first of the five shot in Boston's Bloody Massacre.

I know you thought that HE Elisabeth was gifting you the rest of the anniversary pretzels when she placed them in the bed of your truck, but I saw her deftly reach in and retrieve the canister when you were distracted by your son who never lies or cheats bumbling attempt to lift a spare tire from the bed of your truck. I could only hear his scream but I surmise that he tripped and fell with the tire landing on his bulging gut! 

HE Elisabeth and I said our goodbyes to the group last night and headed to my daughter's to pick up our granddaughter Harley. She'll be coming with us to the Loch/Stargate event this weekend. HE Elisabeth has designed and sewed-up a brand new SCA outfit that any 2yr old would be proud to wear.

I still feel that my shirt was---how can I say this---"Consummately Adequate?"


HE Santiago



-----Original Message-----
From: bordermarch-bounces+david.lathrop=valero.com at lists.ansteorra.org [mailto:bordermarch-bounces+david.lathrop=valero.com at lists.ansteorra.org] On Behalf Of tessa


Personally, I am of the opinion that it takes a manly man to wear narrow 
pink stripes as our Baron did this evening.
He does seem to have several shirts to chose from for any day of the week.

Likewise, a broad stripe darker shirt that is labeled "Thursday" inside the 
neck would be
simple for you to pick out for today, and last Thiursday, and next 
Thursday...

All that is to say, um... er... I like stripes.


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Thin Gut Gobel, Robert" <Robert.Gobel at sulzer.com>


> Dear populace,
>
> I come to you with a heavy burden to share.  If you were unable to  attend 
> the populace meeting then be thankful to the gods
>
> You were spared a quite shocking sight. When I stepped into the  meeting 
> hall I was faced with the baron dressed  in what could only be  described 
> as a womanly shirt!  Not wanting to believe my eyes I turned  to sir 
> simonn and asked his opinion.  The response I got was telling,  a smile, 
> snicker and a look away.  Now I was worried, my fears seemed  confirmed.
>
> Not wanting to give up on hope i turned to the bar maid attending us  and 
> asked her wether this was a mans shirt.  Her reply...on him it  kinda 
> looks manly.
>
> This has brought me to this writing.  I need to ask that if there  anybody 
> that has some man clothes they can donate to the baron, his  need is 
> great!  Please do what you can to improve the barons image.
>
> Adolf