[Bordermarch] Prattle

[Lathrop, Dave]

Greetings Bordermarch,

Let us review the list of those who braved the 100 plus degree heat to join us at fighter practice yesterday;

1.       Lord Zane

2.       M'Lord Beau

3.       M'Lord Axle of Wisor

4.       Lord Thorkin

5.       Lady Katerina Alyse Argo

6.       Lady Kendra

7.       M'Lord Keith

8.       Lord Vincois Luis Picard

9.       Lord Jacques

10.   M'Lord Sewallas de Shirley

11.   M'Lady Josephine de Shirley

12.   M'Lady Scarlett Colleen MacIian-Deveraux

13.   Lord Isaac

14.   Lord Chrestien Brule

15.   Lady Nora

16.   M'Lady Brittany

17.   M'Lord James

18.   Sir Simonn


Since HE Elisabeth and I had to depart from practice early, I have probably missed naming those who arrived after we left.

Now for just a bit of news:

M'Lord James is now the proud owner of one half of a shield press!
He had earlier entrusted me with some ancient planks of St Augustine heart pine that had been salvaged from a sunken Trimarian war galley. It was his Grand-PaPa, James the Scrounge, who gathered the planks of precious wood from the deep abyss. He had intended to use the wood to construct a cradle for his first-born, unfortunately, he had no children so the wood was put into storage.
As per M'Lord James's instructions, the wood was to be split so as to use both halves as the top and bottom of the press, I destroyed the top half of the wood in my haste and now must make restitutions to restore my good name.

Bordermarch's Knight Marshall and Rapier Champion, Lord Zane, deliberately blind-sided me and pegged me in the temple with a large rock while at site this last Sunday. It was an unprovoked attack and when I figure out why in the name of corn-bread he did it I shall post my postulations.

Warning!!! Should you think to use Lord Chrestien Brule's name in the written word, by all means spell it correctly! I had the displeasure of being pummeled with course insults from Lord Chrestien for substituting the letter "i" for the letter "e".

Last Sunday a group of us went to site to do a preliminary assessment of site conditions and also take inventory of our shed and supplies.
As the sun began its ascent, rising higher and higher in the August sky, all of us had gathered in the shade of the Castle's Gate House, all except Lord Adolf; he managed to stuffed his ponderous bulk in the crenels between the merlons directly above the main Gate House doors. All was well until Lord Adolf's piercing scream drowned out the beautiful song of the Tweet Piper we had all been enjoying.
Lord Adolf's scream was high pitched like a woman's yet it had that throaty depth one hears in the voices of sailors who have been at sea for extended periods of time.
I instantly thought I heard his scream echo, but it must have been one of our own in the group responding to what they no doubt thought was a mating call.
I thank God I was braced against the Castle's stone fortifications because our spines were already rubbery from the heat. If not for the stone-work, Lord Adolf's scream would have surely sent me to the ground!
His wild gyrations and flying slobber helped us nary a bit in trying to deduce what he was so excited about, but his slobber did have a slight cooling effect when it landed on ones face.
When he finally pulled himself together he pointed his stubby sausage-like finger at Sir Simonn's blue jeans and whispered, "Simonn, I beg you do not move for I see a big black spider on your crotch and I fear your impending DOOM!!!!"
A big black spider could only mean one thing, "Black Widow!"
To the very last one of us; Lord Zane, myself, Lord Adolf, M'Lord James, and Lord Phocas, fear had taken over and we could not have acted if the thought had crossed our minds.
Which one of us would find the fortitude to break fear's mighty grasp and run to Sir Simonn's aid.
Who was going to gain unending word fame as the hero who flicked the spider off Simonn's crotch?
Thank God no one had to because Sir Simonn's years of martial training and battlefield combat finally paid off; he managed to flick the spider from his crotch all by himself!
The silence that immediately followed could have been cut with a butter knife. Sir Simonn acted as if the spider was the tiniest of distractions and commenced to continue with whatever he had been doing.
He was a hero in the eyes of everyone who witnessed his courage, a man among men, the Captain of his ship, a full-blown bonafied spider flicker!

Not long after Sir Simonn's spider-flicking incident Lord Zane hit me in the head with a huge razor sharp projectile causing what I'm sure will be horrible nightmares in the near future!

I'd also like to thank anyone who deserves it.

HE Santiago