[Bordermarch] Superfluous Rhetoric

[David Lathrop]

Can you tell it's the holidays and His Excellency doesn't have near enough things to do at work to keep him busy!
 
Elisabeth
 

________________________________
 From: "Lathrop, Dave" <David.Lathrop at valero.com>
To: Barony Bordermarch <bordermarch at lists.ansteorra.org> 
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 9:09 AM
Subject: [Bordermarch] Superfluous Rhetoric
  
Greetings Bordermarch,

Last night as I was blowing through a discarded piece of sewer pipe, a sound erupted from the end of the pipe.
The sound was not unlike the whining of the Scottish pipes mournfully belting out a scorned lover's lament; I liked the sound!
To let the sewer pipe breath with more clarity I cleaned it out really good and winded it; the pipe still sounded very mournful.

If I can get the sewer pipe tuned up so's it has a melodious voice I'll ask for a volunteer to play it in Bordermarch's
budding medieval ensemble called Superfluous Rhetoric.

Bordermarch's medieval band, Superfluous Rhetoric, consist of several populace members who are accomplished players of
ancient instruments, and not so accomplished singers of old tunes.
Lord Biau is one such member of the group. He has proven himself time and again to be the preeminent master of the Schnozzle Harp!

For those unfamiliar with the baffling instrument called the Schnozzle Harp I shall explain it in non-musician's terms:

1.       To play the Schnozzle Harp one must first acquire a dried-yet flexible spleen. It must be a certified instrument grade spleen.

2.       The spleen shall be twisted upon itself so as to be taunt like the parched skin of a sun-dried chili pepper.

3.       One shall tie one end of the twisted spleen to the right ear lobe, and with a firm grip, stretch the other end across both nostrils.

(That little piece of flesh that separates the nostrils must be touching the spleen, it becomes the spleen's bridge, which is
               not to be confused with the bridge of the nose!)

4.       The musician shall gently blow through one nostril at a time, thereby causing the stretched spleen to vibrate and produce a
              sound.

5.       While the spleen is vibrating, the musician can tightened and relax it with a pulling action. This pulling action will cause
             the spleen to vibrate at different frequencies.

6.       With much practice the winding of these different frequencies can begin to sound like medieval music.

7.       The Schnozzle Harp is usually tuned to A-440.

8.       Since The Schnozzle Harp is a polyphonic instrument it is considered one of the "Mother Instruments" along with the piano and guitar.

For Schnozzle Harp maintenance, the twisted spleen should be wiped dry after extended use, and it should be stored in an air-tight container
that has been lined with the finest winter hair from a shepherd dog's belly. Also, never play the Schnozzle Harp when you're packed up with a sinus infection.

If one is interested in making medieval music, feel free to join us anytime.
The credo-et-motto of Superfluous Rhetoric is, we feel in our heart's that practicing to play medieval music is highly overrated, so we don't.

HE Santiago


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