[Bordermarch] Superfluous Rhetoric

Thu Nov 29 06:21:54 PST 2012

Mistress Nerak is our house guest overnight, and we are studying these 
proposals this morning.
She suggests that Malox tid-bits would not be as effective in tightening the 
bladder as Preparation-H.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Lathrop, Dave" <David.Lathrop at valero.com>
To: "Barony Bordermarch" <bordermarch at lists.ansteorra.org>
Sent: Thursday, November 29, 2012 8:08 AM
Subject: Re: [Bordermarch] Superfluous Rhetoric

A sheep's bladder is fine and dandy when it's stuffed with barley and liver 
meat, and then consumed with kith and kin,
but it has been found to be very difficult to tune!
Unfortunately, our western ears having adapted to the rather restricted 
"tempered scale" of modern music, would find
the sound of a loose bladder quite disturbing.
If you and Lord Willy truly are intent on using a sheep's bladder then let 
us explore the possibility of smoking
the bladder for an extended period of time in the baronial smoke hut. I feel 
that the infusion of shitake shroom
smoke and dried Malox tid-bits will tighten the bladder enough to help it 
retain its puffing capabilities.

As a precaution, prior to the smoking of the bladder, we should stuff it 
with barley and liver meat.
This would insure that should the smoking not lift the lowly bladder to a 
new level of perfection, transforming
it into a medieval instrument worthy of inclusion in the Superfluous 
Rhetoric ensemble, we could eat it!

HE Santiago

-----Original Message-----
From: bordermarch-bounces at lists.ansteorra.org 
[mailto:bordermarch-bounces at lists.ansteorra.org] On Behalf Of Mary Newsome
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 3:05 PM
To: 'David Lathrop'; 'Barony Bordermarch'
Subject: Re: [Bordermarch] Superfluous Rhetoric

If it is any comfort, we are searching near and far, high and low for just
the right sheep's bladder so that my Lord can join his Excellency in a
mutual pursuit of auditory enlightenment.

-----Original Message-----
From: bordermarch-bounces at lists.ansteorra.org
[mailto:bordermarch-bounces at lists.ansteorra.org] On Behalf Of David Lathrop
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 2:45 PM
To: Barony Bordermarch
Subject: Re: [Bordermarch] Superfluous Rhetoric

Can you tell it's the holidays and His Excellency doesn't have near enough
things to do at work to keep him busy!

Elisabeth

________________________________
 From: "Lathrop, Dave" <David.Lathrop at valero.com>
To: Barony Bordermarch <bordermarch at lists.ansteorra.org>
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 9:09 AM
Subject: [Bordermarch] Superfluous Rhetoric

Greetings Bordermarch,

Last night as I was blowing through a discarded piece of sewer pipe, a sound
erupted from the end of the pipe.
The sound was not unlike the whining of the Scottish pipes mournfully
belting out a scorned lover's lament; I liked the sound!
To let the sewer pipe breath with more clarity I cleaned it out really good
and winded it; the pipe still sounded very mournful.

If I can get the sewer pipe tuned up so's it has a melodious voice I'll ask
for a volunteer to play it in Bordermarch's budding medieval ensemble called
Superfluous Rhetoric.

Bordermarch's medieval band, Superfluous Rhetoric, consist of several
populace members who are accomplished players of ancient instruments, and
not so accomplished singers of old tunes.
Lord Biau is one such member of the group. He has proven himself time and
again to be the preeminent master of the Schnozzle Harp!

For those unfamiliar with the baffling instrument called the Schnozzle Harp
I shall explain it in non-musician's terms:

1.   To play the Schnozzle Harp one must first acquire a dried-yet
flexible spleen. It must be a certified instrument grade spleen.

2.   The spleen shall be twisted upon itself so as to be taunt like the
parched skin of a sun-dried chili pepper.

3.   One shall tie one end of the twisted spleen to the right ear lobe,
and with a firm grip, stretch the other end across both nostrils.

(That little piece of flesh that separates the nostrils must be touching the
spleen, it becomes the spleen's bridge, which is
  not to be confused with the bridge of the nose!)

4.   The musician shall gently blow through one nostril at a time,
thereby causing the stretched spleen to vibrate and produce a
sound.

5.   While the spleen is vibrating, the musician can tightened and relax
it with a pulling action. This pulling action will cause
  the spleen to vibrate at different frequencies.

6.   With much practice the winding of these different frequencies can
begin to sound like medieval music.

7.   The Schnozzle Harp is usually tuned to A-440.

8.   Since The Schnozzle Harp is a polyphonic instrument it is
considered one of the "Mother Instruments" along with the piano and guitar.

For Schnozzle Harp maintenance, the twisted spleen should be wiped dry after
extended use, and it should be stored in an air-tight container that has
been lined with the finest winter hair from a shepherd dog's belly. Also,
never play the Schnozzle Harp when you're packed up with a sinus infection.

If one is interested in making medieval music, feel free to join us anytime.
The credo-et-motto of Superfluous Rhetoric is, we feel in our heart's that
practicing to play medieval music is highly overrated, so we don't.

HE Santiago

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